DETROIT, Michigan (AP) — Rapper Eminem’s music publisher is suing Apple Computer Inc., claiming the company used one of the hip-hop superstar’s songs in a television advertisement without permission. “Eminem has never nationally endorsed any commercial products and … even if he were interested in endorsing a product, any endorsement deal would require a significant amount of money, possibly in excess of $10 million,” according to the 15-page lawsuit filed Friday in U.S. District Court in Detroit.

ST. BISHOP, Missouri (AP) — K-Mart has issued a cease and desist order to a Mr. Edward R. Kilroy of St. Bishop, Missouri, after Mr. Kilroy argued that it was “their stupid fault” he had to go to another store for the black t-shirt and black sweatpants his son needed for his role as Kabuki Set Changer in an upcoming performance of Madame Butterfly being performed at Mideast Middle School. As the suit claims “K-Mart does not take any responsibility for public school performances, nor their costuming needs. Therefore we ask Mr. Kilroy to immediately end his claims that responsibility falls on our corporation. Moreover, it is the belief of K-Mart and its subsidiaries that Madame Butterfly may not be entirely appropriate for Junior High Schoolers in the first place.” Notice of the suit was delivered to Ms. Shipley, the school’s theater teacher and the director of Butterfly. “I am not surprised,” Ms. Shipley said in an official statement delivered to the St. Bishop Statement. “This is typical of the establishment being confronted with the truth.” No one is quite sure what Ms. Shipley means, but she only recently moved to St. Bishop from an undisclosed location, and it is rumored she changed her name.

MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota (Reuters) — Universal Records and the artist Jimmy Buffet, legendary musician for the middle-aged, has filed an injunction against Bob Smiley and his longtime girlfriend, June Jacobs, who were recently overheard to publicly proclaim “Margaritaville” as “their song.” As the suit states, “‘Margaritaville’ is the property of Universal Records and represents the hard work of Mr. Buffet. These claims are not only outlandish, but constitute theft.” A public apology has been demanded, as well as an admission on the parts of Mr. Smiley and Ms. Jacobs that the song was not and will never be theirs. “We just like to have fun. This song meant something to us,” is the only statement Mr. Smiley has been willing to issue at the moment. Warren Cohen, LLB, counsel to Universal, has noted that this is not a legal defense that would hold up in any modern court.

SAN DIEGO, California (AP) — A copyright infringement case is being brought upon the entire Tilden family for use of an unauthorized quotation in the most recent issue of their family newsletter, the Tilden Times. The AP reports this week that the estate of Robert Frost has been bringing all of their weight to bear upon the Tilden’s use of a two-stanza excerpt from the late Mr. Frost’s famous poem “Road Not Taken.” The excerpt was used as a lead-in to an article written by Mrs. Allison Tilden concerning her daughter Janie’s entry to Johns Hopkins medical school. “As with all copyrighted material, use of said material requires permission of the owner of the property,” the suit argues. “The Tilden’s use of “Road Not Taken” is not only illegal, it is inappropriate, as hundreds of students attend Johns Hopkins medical school every year, as they have since it opened in 1889. It is not our desire to shut-down the publication of the Tilden Times, but if it continues to use the work of Mr. Frost without permission we will be forced to take the necessary legal action. ” It has been noted that the issuance of rights would cost them around $10,000, which, admittedly, does not fit into the seven dollar budget the quarterly publication-distributed to family and close friends-currently maintains. The Tildens were not available for comment, as they were on a Royal Caribbean Princess Cruise at the time the lawsuit was issued.