Who was the first punk rocker or hippy activist who came up with the expression “Words Are Weapons”? Because if you’re going to make such a claim you should at least follow it up with the admission that guns and bombs and missiles and crossbows and baseball bats and pool cues and brass knuckles [...]

I would like to thank Sigur Ròs for sponsoring my day pass to Salon Premium.
Blandër offenplinkel, Sigur Ròs, blandër offenplinkel very mucheondel.
Without yû, we wouldn’t be able to present the Corpinderot Cassèndel Headinglingel of the Dakken:
“Man Allegedly Tries to Buy Vote With Beer”
(taken from salondingofen.comme)
“March 30, 2004 | LUDLOW, Ky. (AP) — Police [...]

7:00 AM
Subject #3116 awakes. Although all he did the night before was watch an episode of Band of Brothers, warm up some leftovers, drink a Pabst Blue Ribbon award-winning beer, and rub one out before bed, he feels like “shit”**.
7:03 AM
Subject #3116 brushes his teeth with his Braun electric toothbrush, recommended by dentists and orthodontists [...]

This morning on Howard Stern this guy called in and talked about his love for call girls and he was saying that he is very turned on by their pleasure and that he really tries to treat them like human beings. Dude, that’s what wives are for. If you are renting a hotel room by [...]

When you walked to your car on Sunday morning did you see seven bottles of Woodchuck Cider and Mike’s Hard Fruit Punch on the back seat that you had stolen from a party the night before, or was that me?
Ladies: I have seven bottles of Woodchuck Cider and Mike’s Hard Fruit Punch with which to [...]

I know that some of the people who read this diary live in Los Angeles, so I was hoping you could help me pitch my script to some Hollywood Fat Cats.
Okay, we open on an inner city housing project. Some drug dealers are watching their plasma screen tv from their black leather couch, shouting [...]

One Simple Step For Destroying Your Life:
1. Buy The Sims For Playstation 2 At Best Buy Because It Is On Sale For $15. It Will Be The Worst Thing You Ever Do.
I know that I am two years late in saying this, but what the fuck is up with this game? There are flies circling [...]

Did you know that they released Mad About You on dvd?
You might think that this was going too far, but rest assured they only printed one copy, for Paul Reiser. Even Helen Hunt didn’t want that shit.

On the radio yesterday, I heard this guy from Supergreat Families Forever in America the Greatest Country in the World, or some similarly named political action group, and he was saying that gay marriage was sick and wrong and also, incidentally, illegal and going to destroy the world. Fine. We all know and agree with [...]

Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz have ended their three year relationship.
They are on amicable terms, and remain good friends, according to Ms. Cruz’ publicist.
Tom Cruise is a giant Mo, according to me.
Nicole Kidman cried herself to sleep once more last night, muttering “who’s the fairest of them all?” over and over to the darkness that [...]