I totally let out the biggest, loudest fart in karate class this afternoon. But when my fist smashed through those 17,000 cement blocks, all I could smell was VICTORY!
ALSO:
I have a feeling that sometime in the future, when I look back on these days of unemployment, I’m going to think Maybe it wasn’t such a [...]

Being unemployed, writing in this diary is totally not lucrative at all. Why do for free what you could not do for free? There are a lot of things that I can do for absolutely no pay at all, and writing in my gay diary is not at the top of the list.
Anyhow, let me [...]

Earlier today I tried to download pages from this diary into some kind of text file. So the program said it was downloading, but then I couldn’t find anything on my computer. I did a search of “livejournal” and then a search of “corporate” and found an old word document titled “Corporate Casual Midget”. I [...]

In the G-Unit song, My Buddy, 50 Cents raps the chorus:
“My buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he go.”
This obviously references the popular, overalls-wearing doll made by Hasbro in the mid-eighties. I feel pretty sure that very few G-Unit fans remember this doll, as most of them are adolescent suburban white kids, but 50 Cents [...]

Today is my last day in this office, so it’s goodbye to Lambchop, Left Eye, Shaft’s Cousin, Prince Akeem, Gramms, Crazy Aunt, Phylicia Rashad, and Onion Ring.
Prince Akeem came by my desk with this really nice “thinking man” statue from Ghana. He is from Ghana and he just took a trip there. “This is [...]

Rarely does Falluja make it into the Corporate Casual Headline of the Day, and today’s winner is no exception:
“Son to Hitman: ‘Kill Mom, Don’t Hurt the TV”
(cnn.com)
Usually, I think that parents are being kind of awful when they talk about how ungrateful their children are, but this woman may have a pretty strong argument to [...]

I used to go to a summer camp in Chicago, and the year before I entered high school I had a camp girlfriend. Our song was “November Rain”, and she wore daisy dukes every single day. She was so hot. When was the last time you dated a girl who wore daisy dukes every day [...]

Sometimes my mom tries to be cool, so she’ll buy a hat like Six used to wear on Blossom, or refer to a new grocery store as “da bomb”. It does not make her cooler, but it definitely makes expressions like “da bomb” less cool.
The effect is similar when politicians try to appeal to young [...]

I just got this e-mail that reads:
“A Gift From All of Us at Doubleday Book Club: FREE Weekly, Exclusive Newsletters!”
Please, would someone show me one other example in the history of mankind in which a newsletter was considered a gift?

The office smells like someone took a poop on the carpet and someone else stepped in the poop and then took the long way back to their office and then forgot they had to make a copy and took the long way to the copy room and then decided to get a cup of coffee [...]