i have nothing but the utmost self-confidence in my confidence
When I begin my backyard wrestling tournament, I recommend you pick out a sweet character with a bad ass back-story. My character is Father Time, and when I enter the ring I point my finger at you and shout “YOUR TIME IS UP!”
The ten circles of Hell City in which you will be fighting (NOTE: Hell City is my parents’ backyard, so you MUST have a costume. If you try to wrestle naked the neighbors will call the cops):
1) Critter Canyon: battle your opponent through a pitch black underground tunnel filled with diseased vermin. Will you come out alive? It doesn’t matter, you will be diseased.
2) Razor Blade Place: this is where there are a bunch of razor blades and cut you and you bleed a lot.
3) Ladder Land: This is where you and/or your opponent climb up on ladders and flip off onto each other, and/or get your head punched through the steps of ladders which looks very dramatic and hurts you very much.
4) Glass Grove: Do you like glass in your face? Learn to like glass in your face!
5) Fire Furnace: Barbed wire has been set on fire, here you will fight!
6) Neon Nightmare: Here you get hit in the head with light bulbs and other kinds of light bulb.
7) Tabletop Tournament: Your back will be split in pieces when your opponent jumps on you while you are lying on a table and the table smashes under you. Why were you lying on the table? How else could it get smashed under you when your opponent jumps on you? Your questions are impertinent!
Barbed Wire Bastion: see “Fire Furnace”.
9)Mirror Madness: You look ugly, but will look uglier with mirror in your head!
10) Hellish Hell!: The final battle takes place in what looks like a regular wrestling ring, but it is in fact made of knives and AIDS infected needles!
YOUR TIME IS UP!
October 3rd, 2006 at 12:05 am
Can I just say I love your captcha? It looks like it was printed on a washing-up cloth. It would be even better if it really was printed on a washing-up cloth, but then you’d need a lot of washing-up cloths, and it would be really environmentally unfriendly. But cool.
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