This is a cool and simple math game where no matter what number you pick, as long as you follow the instructions you should get the same answer! Try it out!
Pick a number between 1 and 10.
Add 5.
Subtract 7.
Multiply it by 2.
Add 13.
Multiply it by 3.
Divide by 8.
Answer: YOU ARE A NERD. NO ONE WILL [...]

John Kerry is reporting for duty, and BOY does this guy love pizza!
We are here tonight because we love our pizza.
We are proud of what pizza is and what it can become.
My fellow Americans: we are here tonight united in one simple purpose: to make pizza stronger at home and respected in the world.
A great [...]

Newer Guy just returned from the hospital today after facing a life-threatening bout of pneumonia, and now he’s sitting in his cubicle, coughing lightly on occasion, AND CLIPPING HIS FUCKING NAILS. I’m saddened to discover that looking death in the eyes and saying “Not today, Pal!” does not necessarily teach one good manners.

…sure Sebadoh seems smaller, and has probably done many fewer push-ups and crunches in their lifetime, but Metallica has a higher center of gravity, and they’re in therapy. I just think that in a fight…

Worker #3116: I did fifty push-ups in a row the other night. That’s the most I’ve ever done.
Mom #3116: That’s a lot.
Brother #3116: I’d just like to point out that if I had said the same thing, you would have instantaneously come up with some scathing, ego-deflating remark.
Herb #3116: Ha ha. That’s true.
Worker #3116: Yes. [...]

I’m looking at this promotional fold-out of cheap erotic horror movies, and they have the best titles ever! The only things better are the descriptions! I wish that I had thought up any of the following movies:
Creepozoids
Five nuclear war survivors take refuge in a science research center, unaware that a murderous monster lives within.
The Killer [...]

My first experience with pneumonia was when the little mouse got it in the Secret of Nimh. I know this is different, but you will be happy to know that, with a little magic, the mice were able to rescue their home from an influx of cruel human farmers.
Best wishes,
Worker #3116

On the radio, every single morning, I hear the same plug for the NPR underwriters Mika Myers Beckett and Jones Attorneys. So, you can imagine my surprise when, for some reason, this morning I heard a whole new kind of advertisement. That’s right, my favorite new legal beagles are the old LLBs at Mm, BJ!
Also, [...]

At the tone: 5318008

The Panel Commission on the Tragic Events of 9/11 have released their final report today, and I am happy to say that anyone who has been in a coma for the past three years should rejoice, because the news media will not leave you in the dark!
“Nonetheless, Democratic commissioner Jamie Gorelick said she believed the [...]