The following should be read in a ten-year-old’s voice, with uptalking at the end of each sentence fragment.
This one time, last week, we were watching this documentary in school, about this guy, and everyone in his town was always saying that he was really stupid, and that he could never do anything, and then one [...]

My favorite question of all time to pose to a “creative” person (i.e. an author, or a filmmaker, or whatever) is “How do you get your ideas?”
I’m going to be doing an author interview soon for my work with a VERY FAMOUS AUTHOR, and here, so far, is my preliminary list of questions:
Q: How do [...]

Probably not unlike most of you, I generally find myself pretty depressed by the shape my life has taken. Where’s the excitement? Where’s the mystery? What is the big point? I’m here to tell you that if you have a digital camera or a scanner, input all of your photographs, not just the good ones, [...]

This weekend, McCullen and I watched the HBO sexumentary, Thinking XXX, about a fine art photographer who put together a book of “fine art” photographs of porn stars. He took a picture of Jenna Jameson and then everyone talked about how she was so famous and then this one porn star was like, “I remember [...]

Seriously, if you want to deport someone, deport this fucking guy. Look at him! I’ve got two words for you: Ray Bans. Not good enough? How about two more: Blow Pop. And he didn’t even make that fucking sign. Illegal aliens made that sign at their shitty job. DEPORT HIM NOW I SAY!

You may already know this: Thanksgiving=Better Than Birthdays!
But did you know this: L.L. Cool J=Secret Pro-Life Activist?
I was never ghost
When lives was on the line
Confusion in ya mind
Runnin outta time
Drama of all kind
But theres faith in our mind
We spiritually inclined
(Hush by L.L. Cool J)
Speaking of unaborted black children, on Friday, during Thanksgiving II, Mémé #3116 [...]

Two Girls Accused of Serving Poisoned Cake
MARIETTA, Ga. - Two 13-year-old middle school girls were held on assault charges Wednesday after being accused of serving poisoned cake to about a dozen students who became ill and went to a hospital.
Lawyers for the two seventh graders said the cake was a prank, and that they had [...]

In the grand tradition of me pointing out how I was the first to totally hate the fuck out of something, I’d like to just say that I’ve always known references to the Chapelle Show were lame and in poor taste, even if it was a super funny sketch, even if you totally “smell” what [...]

Wait, is this a good pick-up line:
“I want to be the Jerry Lee Lewis to your Myra Gail”?
Just kidding. I KNOW it’s a good pick-up line. To paraphrase the words of the immortal bard, R. Kelly, “I’m on top of the world, and life’s a [14 year-old] pussy buffet.”

Am I the only one out here petitioning FOX to air a second season of Paradise Hotel, because it sure fucking feels like it.
You guys are all a bunch of fair-weather faggots.
COME ON FOX, MORE PARADISE HOTEL AND I MEAN IT!