Since, as both The Boroughs, who is interesting, and a boring guy at my work, who is not interesting, have both pointed out to me, today is officially the “most depressing day of the year” in England and perhaps the entire world (although I bet some people would argue Tsunami Day was worse), let’s have [...]

I’ve got this tiny circular birthmark on my chest that looks a little bit like a triple-nipple. Today I noticed for the first time that when I look down I can no longer see it. It is hidden by my man-boobs.
This is basically a post that says that Worker #3116’s New Year’s resolution to [...]

In the meantime, I was listening to the radio yesterday and this girl called in:
DJ: Hey, what can I do for you?
Girl: Um, I have a question I need to ask you.
DJ: Okay, shoot.
Girl: Is Ciara a trans-sexual?
DJ: What? No!
Girl: Are you sure?
DJ: Look, I’ve met her. I hugged her, and I can promise you [...]

Did you watch The Bush’s inauguration speech? At first, it was really fire-and-brimstomey à la itinerant ministry during the Second Great Awakening. He kept saying stuff about “America’s period of sabbatical” and how we then suffered “a day of fire.” I was all, “I got the ghost in me. Here comes the holy spirit. Praise [...]

Sometimes at my lair, when you try to use the internet, it’s all slow, like “Come on internet, do it!” But it won’t, and you’re like “What’s wrong internet, why did you get sick?” The reason that the internet gets so slow is because SOMEONE likes to download pornography with homosexual themes and role playing [...]

Take My Wife, Please is the best new show in television. Somehow, they find two equally incompetent women, but from extremely different socio-economic backgrounds, and go make them see what it’s like to be incompetent in different ways. At the end, all the husbands and wives get to tell each other how much they hated [...]

For work-related-program-activities I did a google search for “the rarest jewel in the world” and this was the second hit:
Once upon a time there was a Bank Robber named Diamond Duke. He was in Jail for blowing up the Empire State Building. He was trying to get out of Jail. And he did.
The first thing [...]

I just told Clown Coffee this story:
In the late 80’s or early 90’s Sebastian Bach appeared on TV wearing a tee-shirt that said “AIDS Kills Fags Dead”. Later, when he had to give his apology, he said, “I guess I’m sorry about wearing that shirt. I didn’t realize it would offend anybody. I just thought [...]

Yesterday, Clown Coffee said “You know who you really remind me of? Keanu Reeves.” I was like, “Um, what do you mean?” Clown Coffee said, “Like the way you act.” I said, “I remind you of Keanu Reeves in real life, or the way Keanu Reeves is in his movies?” To which Clown Coffee responded, [...]

Clown Coffee: You need a haircut.
Worker #3116: I know. I’m getting one on Friday.
Clown Coffee: Good, because you look really bad.
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: Do you have any food?
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: Byeeee.