Can I add that I don’t think anyone should say “You can sleep when you’re dead,” anymore? Can I add that? ANSWER MY QUESTION. But what I’m saying is that this is stupid. You actually can’t sleep when you’re dead, first of all, and second of all, this is never said in order to motivate [...]

Scrolling through “artists” on my ipod I just accidentally read 50 Cent (featuring Flock of Seagulls)

There is this moment in Some Kind of Monster when Lars meets with the therapist and Dave Mustaine, who was in Metallica for a year in the mid-80’s. Mustaine is nearly in tears as he explains to Lars how despite the seeming success of Megadeath, he’s been living in abject misery ever since being kicked [...]

What happens in my cubicle stays in my cubicle.

I’m looking forward to my new documentary, Being John Malkovich for Real: A Day in the Life of John Malkovich

The jury is IN!
“Among the jurors is a woman who said her grandson was required to register as a sex offender; a woman who said she was related to the pilot of one of the planes that went down in the September 11 terror attacks; a 20-year-old man who likes The Simpsons and a man [...]

I was watching Lohan’s new video yesterday (and incidentally, videomakers, if you want me to believe that Lohan is “rocking out” in her garage, it better be a five car garage filled with Italian sports-cars and maybe some plasma screen TVs, because otherwise, no, je ne believe it pas. Oh, and actually the whole Smashing [...]

Now, to be fair to Mr. Braff, I was predisposed to dislike his film, and probably he’d just as soon not have people like me watch it. Who needs to submit themselves to that kind of negative scrutiny? But even I was surprised at the violent discomfort and anger I experienced in watching Garden State. [...]

I know that it’s not “cool” to repeat Emo Phillips jokes. I know that no one has ever “made it big,” “gotten laid,” or “landed their own T.V. show on the WB or UPN” based on their “awesome ability” to “remember mid-90’s schtick from caricature comedians.” Nevertheless, there is this Emo Phillips joke that has [...]

Worker #3116: Do you know what the hardest part of being diagnosed with Stage 1 Hypertension is?
Clown Coffee: …
Worker #3116: The loneliness. The isolation.
Clown Coffee: …
***
Worker #3116: Did you hear that I’ve been diagnosed with Stage 1 Hypertension and that I’m going to die soon?
Stevil: I read that somewhere. Anyway, [blah blah blah] pizza.
Worker #3116: [...]