Clown Coffee: …
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: …
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: Oh my god, we’re worse than Website and Married.
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: …
Worker #3116: I know.
Clown Coffee: Say something, quick.
Worker #3116: …
Clown Coffee: …
Worker #3116: I’m almost out of groceries. I could really use some.
Clown Coffee: Yes! Groceries, good!
Worker #3116: But I can’t decide where [...]

As I was going to my car this morning a bunny ran across my path. You know what they say about the symbolism of a bunny crossing your path on the last Thursday in March: best Spring 2005 ever! I was all, “Thanks, bunny, for the good vibes,” and bunny was all, “carrot, carrot, fear [...]

Me: Wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of jeans that used to look better but are fading kind of weird. Pretending to be reading Midnight’s Children but not actually reading it, a pattern I have been following since motherfucking October because the book bores the hell out of me, but now that I only [...]

Imagine that you’re walking down the street one day and suddenly a parade begins to pass by. Everyone is frowning and stern, and the floats represent things you would never expect a parade float to celebrate, like AIDS and wheelchair basketball. One of the floats is all about the elementary school practice of grading children [...]

Did anybody else hear my Secretary of Defense the Rumsfeld on NPR’s Morning Edition today? God, the man is a magician with language! Why, I could have sworn the interviewer, Steve Inskeep, had really cornered my secretary of defense when he asked him about a Government Accountability Office report that gives the lie to msodtr’s [...]

Clown Coffee won’t stop bitching about how I don’t write about him in my diary enough, because he’s quitting smoking and it’s making him into a big fucking bitch, but so anyway, somehow the subject of bumper stickers came up, and I mentioned my favorite one, which is “Mean People Suck,” which is still worse [...]

Best headline?
Activists Appeal To God, Congress
(nbc5i.com)
46 demonstrators have been arrested outside of Terri Schiavo’s hospice. I don’t know why, but I think this is funny. “We must protect the sanctity of life, and if we don’t, I’m going to throw this garbage can through that plate glass window!” Did you know that my President The [...]

There’s currently an Emo Phillips concert available for live internet audio stream and 235 people are listening to it.
[Insert punchline here.]

I like this part in the newish T.I. video for “You Don’t Know Me” where T.I. strikes the windshield of a car in a junkyard with a crowbar. It happens near the beginning and near the end. The reason I like it is because they cut away right before the crowbar actually hits the windshield, [...]

It sure is lucky the war in Iraq ended just in time to give Terri Schiavo’s case the media spotlight it deserved. Lord knows, this whole issue would have been drowned out by the WAR IN IRAQ if that had still be going on. But it isn’t, not really. I mean, kind of, but all [...]