Archive for June, 2005

SURPRISE TWIST ENDING YOU NEVER SAW COMING!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

I think we were walking down the street when we first noticed it? How we knew right away that the rooftop party we were seeing from the ground was Avril’s birthday party is anyone’s guess, but I think I was the one to call it out, and there was no trouble getting inside, we just [...]

Temporary Employee, Permanently Nasty

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I just encountered a temp in the bathroom. Clown Coffee has nicknamed him “The Troll,” but I am still debating between two other nickname candidates: Balding Weeble Wobble, and Mr. Potato Body. Anyhow, I saw Mr. Potato Body in the bathroom, coming out of a stall. He turned on the water for half of a [...]

How Are We Doing?

McCullen:My iPod started working again today, right after I got the box and stuff to ship it back.
Worker #3116: Well, you should still send it. Even if it’s working, you don’t want to NOT get it fixed and then have that error show up again in a month.
McCullen: I know, but on the complaint form [...]

A Message to Girls 18-25 Who Have Been Accepted to MTV’s The Realest World

The day you are accepted to MTV’s The Realest World will be one of the happiest days of your life. You and your boyfriend will probably go out to celebrate. You will notice that there is something subdued or even sad in his face, but you will be too thrilled with the news to pay [...]

Because You Should Know

Top 4 Killers
4. I Can’t Remember
3. Killer Bees
2. Snakes
1. Black Men/Mosquitos
(Animal Planet)

Oh, and Tom Cruise

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

About 75 million years ago, a nefarious intergalactic warlord called Xenu rounded up the inhabitants of numerous planets, killed them, and brought them to Earth, then set off a chain reaction of cataclysmic volcanoes, which dispersed their thetans into the atmosphere. These thetans now fester inside the bodies of all humans. They are to be [...]

How Much Fun Is This, Bro?

BFFs 4eva!

In Real Life, I Hate Vodka

I dreamt last night that I went to Chicago with Mom #3116. The details are a little hazy now, but I do remember that right after we had lunch I made her stop at a Byron’s for a Chicago red hot, and that we ate them at an outside table across from Cabrini Green, and [...]

Let Him Go. Fight. Let Him Go. Fight.

Monday, June 27, 2005

One of my favorite things about boxing is when the fighters hug each other at the end. This always happens. The reason that I like it is because it teaches me that it is okay to want to literally KNOCK SOMEONE THE FUCK OUT. That doesn’t make you a bad person incapable of love or [...]

I Like Death Metal, Scarification, and Napoleon Dynamite

Friday, June 24, 2005

Sixth full length from Sweden’s Arch Enemy. Their superior blend of brutality and melody accounts for an ever-growing fanbase. Look for hype galore as they play this summer’s Ozzfest. Enhanced CD features buddy icons, screen savers and photo gallery. Also includes fold-out full color poster.
(amazon.com)
LOL, Arch Enemy. LOL.
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