Dearest futurewife,
I think we both are going to say a lot of things futurelast night that we both are going to regret. I know I am going to did. Like when I will have said that futurechild was your futureson/futuredaughter, as if all of the problems we will be having with discipline are all your [...]

Worker #3116: Go to your room!
Futurechild: NO!
Worker #3116: I said, go to your room!
Futurechild: Make me!
Worker #3116: I have been dreading this for years.
Futurechild: I don’t care.
Worker #3116: I only love you because I have to, futurechild.
Futurechild: Shut up, loserdad, I’m watching T.V.

Futurechild is getting very lippy, and I’m starting to regret having him/her someday.

I just heard the new Death Cab for Cutie single, “Soul Meets Body.”
I can already hear futurechild snickering and saying, “Dad #3116, you actually used to listen to this shit?” Then I see myself smacking futurechild in the back of the head and retorting, “Mouth!”

I’m just going to get this over with right away, there’s nothing to do but get real about it, so:
I have been mistaken all these weeks about Iraqi Jane. She is not a chubby army nurse who did a tour in Iraq. She is Clown Coffee. Iraqi Coffee. Here’s the scene: totally real people go [...]

“As we noted the other day, both supporters and opponents of George W. Bush’s ’stay the course’ plan for Iraq have begun invoking memories of the dead to support their positions. The president says American soldiers have to keep fighting and dying in Iraq in order to honor those who fought and died before them. [...]

I was feeling pretty steamed today about some roommate-perpetrated thievery until Clown Coffee told me about a roommate he had whose food was stolen so often that he took to hiding Banquet frozen chicken under his bed, which his roommates subsequently found anyway and ate and then he cried.
I’m still kind of steamed, but [...]

“Warner Brothers Records is running a contest—Vote for Green Day in the VMA’s and win a trip to see the band in L.A.”
(greenday.com)
ELECTION FRAUD! IN FLORIDA! AGAIN!
Not that it matters now. Even with this incontrovertible proof, the Kid’s Court would just overturn the case with canned applause.

Entry: The Woodsman
Goof: In the park scene, Kevin Bacon is molesting that child from behind in the long-shot but then is clearly in “missionary” in the close-up. WHOOPS!

Thank God this victim of Hurricane Katerina’s violence took the sage precaution of getting A BUNCH OF FUCKING BUG JUICE????