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Happy Halloween, from Worker #3116!

Caught in a violent shoot-out with police in a department store, serial killer Ray Brady used an ancient voodoo spell to transfer his soul into a popular “Buddy Time” doll before dying. That Christmas, the doll was purchased for young Andy Goode. At first, Andy was thrilled with his new toy, as the “Buddy Time” [...]

During an attempted robbery of immensely valuable crates of gold bullion, an entire luxury cruise-ship of people was slaughtered. But little did the robbers know they were playing into the hands of a demon, who then murdered the robbers. Then the cruise ship disappeared. Then it came back, and Gabriel Byrne went to fix it, [...]

For her ninth birthday, Maria had all of her friends over for a slumber party. There was face painting, and pillow fights, and corn chips, and everyone heartily agreed that it was the best party all year. They even stayed up past midnight! Eventually, the girls got very tired and climbed into their sleeping bags [...]

A traveling salesman found himself driving in the middle of nowhere one night. Long after dark had fallen, he had still yet to see any sign of life, and he was getting very tired after a long day going door to door, trying to unload some encyclopedia sets. Just when he thought he was going [...]

After a pedophile was murdered by an angry mob, he returned in the dreams of his killers’ children, driving them to suicide. His nightmarish haunting of their sleeping subconsciousnesses was filled with gruesome imagery, and very real physical sensations of pain. While many thought this was the murdered criminal’s attempt at revenge from beyond the [...]

A guy and a girl were out on a romantic date. After dinner and a movie they drove up to makeout point. Just as things were getting hot and heavy, the love songs on the radio were interrupted by an important bulletin. A dangerous killer had escaped from a local penitentiary. He is very dangerous, [...]

It was late one crisp autumn night when all the children gathered in a tent in a backyard to tell stories. One of the children told the legend of Candyman. “If you repeat his name in front of a mirror three times, he will appear and he will eat all of your guts.” The children [...]

If I had a dollar for every person who read this diary, I would have almost ten dollars.
And I could really use ten dollars.
Please send one dollar to Worker #3116, Cubicle D-489, 5th floor, Bldg. 1.

With the recent withdrawal of Harriet Miers as a candidate for the Supreme Court of the United States, the Greatest Country on Earth, it is now up to President Bush to once more nominate an able-bodied citizen to the highest court in the land.
Throughout the confirmation proceedings of recent months, both in the diastrous Miers [...]