A Heartbreaking Work of Staggeringly Mediocre Chat
I had a very mildly amusing g-chat this afternoon, which I thought I would post. After I formatted it, I realized it wasn’t even that funny, but it took so fucking long to format that I’m going to just put it up here anyway. So disappointing. Why on this day does my diary suck so bad, when on every other day it only sucks very bad? I’m sorry I’ve ruined your life.
Worker #3116: GIVE ME SOME MONEY
GET ME A JOB
Swimmer: hi honey your new job is predator
Worker #3116: that sounds good. dental?
Swimmer: yes
Also, you’ll be doing business with this guy, Alien.
Worker #3116: I WILL BE DOING THE BUSINESS OF FIGHTING
located in new york, right?
Swimmer: Yes, but you’ll have to commute.
Worker #3116: to space
Swimmer: I need to inform you that my boss has lost his fucking marbles
if you want to work at McSwy’s, now is your chance.
Worker #3116: egs?
Swimmer: yeah
Worker #3116: what is he doing?
crying jags?
emotional eating
Swimmer: We are moving our offices because our lease is up
to this retail spot across the street
that costs a LOT of money
and so in an effort to get the money back
HE IS OPENING A HOT DOG SHOP IN THE FRONT PART OF THE OFFICE
Worker #3116: McSwotdogs
Swimmer: Yes and I’ll be working it on Saturday nights until 3 am.
Worker #3116: ha ahhahah YOURLIFE SUCKS
Swimmer: You know
it would be FUNNY
if someone say
PUT A BULLET IN MY BRAIN
everyone in the office is having a meltdown about it
and he is like, “IT WILL BE SO FUN”
so yes. apply now.
Worker #3116: i don’t want your job.
Swimmer: are you coming back out here to live and be alive
Worker #3116: NEVER AGAIN
Swimmer: ha fucker!
Worker #3116: earthquake. it’s coming.
Swimmer: those are amazing.
Worker #3116: i seen it in my dreams
it will be like hurricane katrina but an earthquake.
and rich white people displaced instead of poor browns.
Swimmer: i know and all the yuppies will be hungry for hotdogs
and we will rake in the millions
Worker #3116: yes. right after “the big one” everyone will say “Where will our Mexican children get free ironic tutoring in a pirate environment and also hotdogs?” it will be like mad max, but with meta-commentary and inside jokes.
Swimmer: and a lot of nervous skinny guys looking for their manuscripts in the rubble
Worker #3116: i will be very sad after the apocalypse when there are no more incarcerated teenager poetry slams.
March 1st, 2006 at 10:31 am
what’s with the self-denigration lately, i like dirt on crazy eggz as much as the next guy. 2 KUDOS to you
Leave a Reply