Failure Is Not in My Vocabulary
For some fucked-up reason, a lot of you still seem to need convincing. Okay, then, tardfucks. Here is your Failure to Launch link-dump. If you don’t fall in love with this winning, big-hearted examination of heterosexuality that features surfboards, paintball, boats, and a hilarious joke about how hard it is to eat sushi with chopsticks, then YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING AND YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THE ROBOT CITY THAT WAS IN THE MATRIX 3: MATRIXEST BECAUSE THIS PLANET IS FOR HUMANS WITH LOVE.
LINK: Watch the trailer
LINK: Visit the heartwarming official site
LINK: IMDB
LINK: Read the New York Times review
LINK: Buy tickets now! (WE MADE IT TO #1! IF THESE HILLS REALLY HAD EYES THEY’D SEE THAT THEY SUCK COMPARED TO THE HUMAN LOVE!)
And just to prove once and for all that The Onion is a stupid piece of shit, here is their piece of bullshit review: LINK TO ONION’S UNIMPORTANT OPIONION.
Oh, and fuck you, ROTTEN TOMATOES! YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE DUMBEST SITE ON THE INTERNET THAT EVERYONE HATES!
March 10th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
more like failure to HTML. >snort!
March 10th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
this blog is a bore today. a big boring ‘failure to amuse’. why not go to gawker and make fun of the guy who makes fun of people in new york city?!?!?
March 10th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
I’ve deleted you from my blogroll.
DOES THAT BORE YOU, ASSHOLE?
March 10th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
finally!
perhaps a few mathem mcclusky fan sites in my place? you and a bunch of 13 yr old girls trading gossip about your hunky hollywood crush.
and do something about this idiotic securtiy code.
March 10th, 2006 at 4:45 pm
if you want to laugh, I’d suggest you check out the jokes on http://jokes.christianpost.com/. christians: they’re just like us - they like to laugh! prepare to LOL like you’ve never LOL’d before!
March 10th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
I can’t wait til joe leebrmann can finally pass a law to ban boring blogs.
did you know that LOL to christians = lots of laughing? I bet you didn’t know that?
BRB = Best Run Briefly. really. they use a whole different internet slang. its kind of funny when you think about it.
March 10th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Ask the Dust comes out this weekend. You’re backing the wrong pony, dude
March 22nd, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Ok, so I never post but I felt like it was my duty to let everyone know exactly how bad FAILURE TO LAUNCH is. My parents are in from the Midwest and forced me to see this at the Grove yesterday. If the previews weren’t enough, hopefully the recap below will serve as a deterrent: (spoiler alert? If anyone cares?)
*Surprise! If you HAVEN’T seen one of the billion trailers for this movie, MM…lives with his parents! How Hilarious!
*SJP is old enough to be a grandma but apparently is supposed to be attractive and alluring!
*SJP is old enough to be a grandma but apparently still lives in an apartment with a 14 year old!
*MM gets bitten by random animals because it is HILARIOUS and also nature wants him to move out of his parents house! (seriously?)
*SJP and MM have gross old people sex! Thankfully off camera!
*SJP is in loooove but is not allowed to be because it is the one plot point in this movie!
*NAKED TERRY BRADSHAW. Like, totally naked.
*MM had a fiancée who died! That’s why he’s allowed to be a loser! Also, the kid he perv-s around with is really sort of his son! You didn’t guess that because the kid is black! Now you feel guilty because you’re a racist!
*SJP decides to move away because she only gets paid to date losers, not SAD losers who like black chicks!
*MM is sad and falls off a cliff, but unfortunately doesn’t die!
*They get locked in a room! There are cameras everywhere! A bunch of people in a coffee shop watch them fight on the computer! They make up! A bunch of people in a coffee shop watch them fuck! Yay!
*For some reason everything is ok! They are on a boat! He names the boat after her! She HILariously knocks him in the water! A dolphin doesn’t bite him and this means they should get married.
*Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw awkwardly sing a song in a naked embrace!
The end.
Now you can all pretend that you’ve seen the #1 movie in the nation too! I feel better. Thanks.
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