Bike Guy EXACTLY Like Hitler
Friday night at about 10:45 PM I pulled into my driveway and saw two little blue lights approaching from down the street. Then I heard faint music, which grew progressively louder. It was some dude riding his bike with a boombox on the handlebars, just jamming it out on a warm spring night in a residential neighborhood.
Here’s the thing, in terms of raw activity, this is something I respect more than most others. Riding your bike with a boombox strapped to the front letting the world know that you don’t give a shit, you just want to rock and ride, that is boss business. It is so boss you have to work harder when it’s around. Seriously, I’ve only seen a few people ride around neighborhoods with boomboxes strapped to their handlebars and every time I do I think to myself “That is awesome. I’m a fucking piece of shit. What am I doing with my life that’s so great?”
All of that being said, I have an important message for the dude from Friday night: DIRE STRAITS? What the fuck, you cunt? Way to ruin everything. I was going to make a comment about how you don’t even deserve a bike, but then I realized you don’t even deserve legs.