The Delorean Stops Here
(mtv.com)
Attention world media! You have succeeded. I love Jessica Simpson. Even though her music is like a kidney punch to my ear, and you somehow manage to make even this celestial goddess look foolish by having her dangle over awards show stages on papier-maché moons and shit, oh and that Pro-Active zit commercial WTF?, and not to mention the fact that she is a mental retard, I still love her. Like a teenage girl, I’m consumed with the fantasy that if only she met me I could change her, mold her to my image. Make her not be a zit-faced retarded. And barring that, I could have sex with her body.
BUT, and this is the part where I want you to pay attention: I can go a day without Jessica Simpson news. Yes, it’s painful. Yes, I wonder whether or not she’s okay. Yes, I then begin to wonder why I even bother living. BUT THOSE DAYS PASS, and the next day brings some wondrous photo of my lady love in Uggs shopping for Chili-Cheese Fritos with Ca-cee or something.
You don’t need to take me back to the Summer of ‘05. I was there. It was boring. Let’s move on.
Call me, Jess. I’ll teach you how to read and shit.
April 27th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Ew. She looka like a man.
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