I try to bring you a quality online diary on a daily basis, but whose mind can I hope to blow when I have to compete with:

#3116 out!

Please listen to this while reading the following post:

Two guys were talking about weight-lifting tips and techniques at my gym last night when I overheard one of them say “Did you see that movie S.W.A.T.? LL Cool J? He had a trainer for that who told him…”
S.W.A.T., crawling out of the b-movie dustbin to inform [...]

A Filmmaker’s Guide to Updating Classic Favorites for the Next Generation
E.T.
Instead of finding E.T. in the cornfield while he’s in the backyard playing catch, Elliot should find E.T. at the internet cafe. E.T. looks like a human being but is actually an alien, that way you can have Josh Hartnett play E.T. He’s totally [...]

There have been a lot of ads on Comedy Central lately for the upcoming premiere of the Chappelle Show’s Lost Episodes or whatever. Now, I’m white, so that means by law I am required to think that this show is hilarious and that my enjoyment of it somehow makes up for any kind of soft [...]

(news.yahoo.com)

stevil: i’m listening to blind melon on webradio right now
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE
worker3116: well
it makes sense
you are the bee girl
personified
stevil: i still want to know where she is now
i bet she’s in the yeah yeah yeahs
worker3116: no
evanescence
stevil: hahahahaha
she is tegan or sara
worker3116: she is marilyn manson’s girlfriiend
von teese
stevil: dita
worker3116: she is
a suicide girl
man
think how much
attention [...]

The other day I made my daily pilgrimage to Cup of Life, the local Fair Trade coffee shop that bravely struggles to show these sheep that there are alternatives to the exploitative monster that is Starfucks. I ordered my cup of “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go Blend” Honduran Green Mountain, when I heard [...]

Clown Coffee pointed out this bumper sticker to me in the work parking lot yesterday:

He and I already discussed how gross it is, and how insanely unprofessional, and we also heartily dissected the moral dishonesty of it and the basic low rent gutter anti-humor.
But what I want to know is if you think that is [...]

A few weeks ago, when Clown Coffee and Cupcake would come over to watch The Soprans, they would bring this high octane blueberry ale or some candy bullshit. I don’t know. It was blueberry beer. It was for women. But it tasted alright, I’m just complaining. THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE, RIGHT, JOKER? Anyhow, [...]