Archive for July, 2006

Yessuh, Mr. Penguins, Right Away Suh, Mr. Penguins

Monday, July 31, 2006

(cnn.com)

MTV: Celebrating 25 Years Minus 15 Years

(mtv.com)
First of all: JEREMY?! This is like saying: 100 years of cinema, from “Birth of a Nation” to “Reality Bites”.
Second of all: how does this continuum make any sense? It’s not alphabetical and it’s also not chronological. There have been an additional 15 years of interesting, ground-breaking videos since fucking “Jeremy.” That whole jump-cut, chalk-writing [...]

The Suspense Is Drowning Me

(news.yahoo.com)
No word on what snacks he might eat during the possible viewing, and of course there is a better-than-average chance that the entire thing will be pre-empted by a Law & Order rerun on the USA network.

Margaret: Librarian, Human Being

The librarian at my high school, let’s call her Margaret, was thoroughly hated by every single student. This stemmed primarily from her insistence on louldy shushing people. While this is the very first lesson in Librarian School, it was deemed a bit much by everyone because a) it was a mean, nagging shush, and b) [...]

Me Too, Garfield, Me Too

In a week from today I will be in New York. On the one hand I am excited about the move, but on the other hand I am very scared that I might die this week. That is when it happens, when things start going your way. You never hear anyone on the news being [...]

The Lowest Prices…on Jokes!

Friday, July 28, 2006

(New York Times)
“Wal-Mart Decides to Cum on Germany’s Tits”
“Wal-Mart Decides to Cum on Germany’s Face”
“Wal-Mart Decides to Cum on Germany’s Ass”

If I Can Make It There, Who Cares

Guess what I hate?

Karate Kid IV: Sass Attack

I met the real life Curly Sue! Such a precocious treasure!
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Don’t move.
Worker #3116: I have to.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Why?
Worker #3116: I just do. You want to know what else? Next week is my last week.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: No.
Worker #3116: Yes.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: How could you do this to [...]

Mandy Crabb Called Me a Kike

I got called a kike once. I’d gotten in this fight with this white trash girl in science class in junior high and we had to come in early the next day and clean the laboratory or whatever and while the teacher wasn’t paying attention she hissed that I was a “dirty kike.”
Her name is [...]

I’m Sorry, Mémé #3116, But I Have to Do This: Bow-Wauschwitz

Thursday, July 27, 2006

(tact.com)
It’s funny if you read this headline too quickly because it looks like “What’s the Big Deal, Jews?”
In related news, WHAT THE FUCK WAS A DOG DOING IN A GAS CHAMBER?

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