Karate Kid IV: Sass Attack
I met the real life Curly Sue! Such a precocious treasure!
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Don’t move.
Worker #3116: I have to.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Why?
Worker #3116: I just do. You want to know what else? Next week is my last week.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: No.
Worker #3116: Yes.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: How could you do this to me?
Worker #3116: Sorry.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: You just totally ruined my minute.
Worker #3116: You’ll get another one.
***
Worker #3116: I never had braces.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Why not?
Worker #3116: I don’t know. I didn’t really have a lot of friends, I was embarrassed.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: (gasps) Were you a nerd?
Worker #3116: Yeah.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Did you wear glasses?
Worker #3116: No.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Did you pull your socks up over your pants?
Worker #3116: No.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Did you wear plaid?
Worker #3116: No. Look, I looked like a normal kid, I wasn’t that kind of nerd.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Did you go in the computer room all the time?
Worker #3116: No.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Are you shy?
Worker #3116: Do I seem shy?
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Yes.
Worker #3116: Oh really? And when have I seemed shy to you?
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: That time…
Worker #3116: Uh-huh.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: When you were four…
Worker #3116: Uh-huh.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: And you were at the carnival, and you wouldn’t talk to that lady.
Worker #3116: Right. That time when I was four and you were NEGATIVE A MILLION?
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Yes.
Worker #3116: No, I am not shy.
***
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Worker #3116: Yes.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Was she ugly?
Worker #3116: As a matter of fact no, she was very beautiful.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: You’ve only had one?
Worker #3116: I’ve had plenty, don’t worry about it.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Do you have one now?
Worker #3116: No.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: Maybe in New Yoooorrrrrkkk!
Worker #3116: Maybe.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: You’ve got to keep your options open.
Worker #3116: True.
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: My cousin lives in New York. She’s your age.
Worker #3116: Um…
12-Year-Old Girl from Karate: She’s blonde.
Worker #3116: Tell me more.
Oh, also, I’m moving to New York in a week.
July 28th, 2006 at 11:53 am
In all honesty, if you date, or even try to date, a cousin of a 12 year old girl from your karate class, I’m calling the cops. I don’t care that it’s not illegal.
July 28th, 2006 at 11:54 am
real life curly sue:
http://www.alisanmusic.com/
jim belushi is glad he got to bone her way back when.
July 28th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
BRING WOMEN WITH YOU.
July 28th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
oh don’t worry, you remember new york right? how there are SO MANY great women out here in new york! and they’re all searching for the PERFECT guy. so it’s really awesome to be a guy in new york, especially when you’re making tons of money with your cheekbones and you’re basically perfect. WELCOME (BACK) TO THE PARTY!
July 28th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
If I were you, I would tread some water until the 12 year old from Karate grows up (literally) and realizes that she has always been in love with you. She sounds like your soulmate, and those only come around like once every six years. Get her e-mail at least.
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