Eulogy #3116
(cnn.com)
Okay, boo hoo and everything, but the thing that really sucks about this is all of the inevitable quotes from friends and family that will say something to the effect of “He died doing what he loved. If he had to go, this is how he would have wanted it.”
FUCK THAT.
When I die I really hope that everyone recognizes it as the bullshit that it is. Even if I am doing something I love, that doesn’t mean I want to die. What are you, an idiot? I don’t ever want to hear (from heaven) “Worker #3116 was getting a bj while eating a pizza when he suffered a major pulmonary blah blah. He died happy.” Wrong. Not happy. Here is the correct report of my death: “Worker #3116 was getting a bj while eating a pizza when he suffered a major pulmonary blah blah. It is one of the greatest tragedies on Earth. All he wanted was to finish that fucking pizza. God is a faggot asshole. I hate everything.”
R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter. You may have been a ridiculous clown, but you were a living ridiculous clown, and that is what counted.
September 4th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
I’m still stuck on how it was a sting ray that did him in. I think we all thought a croc would one day do him in, but a — in comparison, pansy –STING RAY?
It might as well have been a ham sandwich or a koala bear, geez.
September 4th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
I feel really bad at how hard I am laughing right now. So wrong. SO wrong!
September 4th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Can’t wait for the footage to show up on YouTube…
a real Elliott Smith moment.
September 5th, 2006 at 4:00 am
I’m with you on this one.
“He died doing what he loved.”
He loved getting stabbed in the chest by a stingray barb? Geeetouttaheeeere!!
September 5th, 2006 at 10:06 am
puleez. id rather go getting head than sitting on the crapper!
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