Epyglotitis: His Mouth Is His Prison
Friday I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat and trouble swallowing (rimshot). Saturday morning I woke up and my throat was still sore and it was still hard to swallow (rimshot). I went into the bathroom, thinking that maybe I just needed to clear some phleghm. I did my best to hock a loagie and started gagging on a giant piece of flesh in my mouth (rimshot). The giant piece of flesh was my uvula, which was so swollen that when I tried to cough it was forced up into my mouth. I went to the emergency room where some Jew gave me some medicine, and now the swelling has gone down, but I spent all day Saturday lying in bed, choking on my own throat.
I’m just describing all of this so that I don’t forget it when I’m writing the screenplay for The Cell II: The Edge of Reason because it was some serious trapped-in-a-madman’s-fever-dream-of-actualized-horror bullshit. So fucking gross. Seriously, you don’t come back from what has happened to me. Jim Jarmusch knows what I’m talking about.
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:48 am
Holy shit, this happened to me last year. I thought something was stuck in my throat and I started tugging on it [rimshot?] before realizing I was about to tear out my fucking uvula.
Of course I didn’t go to the ER because no pain no gain.
Pussy.
October 23rd, 2006 at 12:18 pm
good thing (wverweight) doctor 3116 was available (rimshot)
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:01 pm
So why does your uvula hate you so much?
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Oh yeah. That old chestnut.
At first I thought I was hallucinating when I opened my mouth to see what looked like an additional tongue hanging from the back of my throat. And then. I couldn’t eat for days. Unless I felt like using a paddlepop stick to hold my second tongue out of the way while I swallowed. And I didn’t feel like doing that. I felt like commiting suicide, because what sort of disgusting shit is that?
November 5th, 2006 at 12:42 am
I had the same thing. On the plus side, the antibiotics also cleared up the syphilis you gave me.
November 16th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
Yes, that happened to me once too. The monring after I got extraordinarily drunk and passed out sitting straight up in a chair with my head tiltedback. I think it was because my Harley-straight-pipe-snoring used my uvula as a speedbag all night long.
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