Hate This Fridays!
“Groovy” and “Funky.” I wish the Parliament Spaceship would come pick these words up and take them on a fantastic journey to…oh no! I never thought I’d see the tragedy of the Challenger replayed in my lifetime.
When someone uses the word “funky” I feel like my ears are being date raped by a sad, sad man. Like…you go on a date with someone and they are just really lame and the date goes horrible and then later, when they are forcibly penetrating you, you’re like “THIS GUY?! I’M BEING DATE RAPED BY THIS GUY?!” And if you’re talking about something for which no other adjective seems appropriate, then maybe you should realize that NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THAT THING.
“Groovy” is a dealbreaker. Whenever I meet someone, there is a holding period between when I hate them for no reason, and when I hate them for a reason. “Groovy” will immediately put you into that “for a reason” category. Always. We could be married. You and I could have the happiest little life fulfilling all of our dreams together, hand in hand, and if you used the word groovy I would divorce the shit out of you. I would take everything. I would turn the children against you. And you would die alone.
If you could tell words to drop dead, I would tell these words to drop dead, and then I would shoot them with word bullets and bury their word bodies out in the word forest where no word could find them. I give you my…word! OH ZING.
November 10th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Concur.
November 10th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I work with a horrible woman who will describe any problem with anything as “a little fun-KEEE.”
She also does the thing with her hands that people do when they say that. You know - the thing that sort of looks like a ‘walk like an egyptian’ thing?
Fuck.
November 10th, 2006 at 8:10 pm
I long to find a work or school environment where I can repeat your date rape analogy. Sometimes the west coast doesn’t get your humor, and I suffer because I cannot contain myself when it comes to repeating a good zinger, worker.
November 11th, 2006 at 12:07 am
word bullets!!! pisheau! pisheau!
November 12th, 2006 at 12:51 am
“Whenever I meet someone, there is a holding period between when I hate them for no reason, and when I hate them for a reason.”
It’s like I’m looking into a mirror. Marry me.
November 12th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
groovy
November 12th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Some of us on the west coast *get* your humor, don’t be misled!
November 14th, 2006 at 6:09 am
When I was sixteen, I fell victim to a horrifying illness. Yes, I used those words for a short time – but I have fully recovered. I blame this indiscretion on peer pressure and the stupidity of youth. Really, it’s quite painful for me and I don’t want to talk about it. The word groovy has no right to exist.
Invented reasons, I’d like to add, are just as good for hating as no reason or proven reasons The practice challenges the imagination and provides entertainment you certainly won’t get from the fuckers around you. I think it must be my favourite style of hatred. I highly recommend it.
November 17th, 2006 at 3:45 pm
i took an awesome class last year, on the history of soul music. lots of stuff about motown and stax records. really cool class.
we had to do some reading about funk, including a reading that included the phrase ‘funky-come-latelys.’
this phrase is so disturbing to me, that i find it difficult to exist in a world where such a phrase is allowed to just float around, about to invade anyone’s brain-space.
funky-come-lately. absolutely the worst phrase ever. gah.
November 20th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
But the word “zing” is ok? For shame.
December 8th, 2006 at 10:30 am
I can think of only one acceptable use of the word “groovy”, and that’s when Ash says it in Evil Dead 2.
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