Hate This Fridays!
When you have a theme, you stick with that theme even if it’s so fucking annoying: My Gym Nemesis.
I know that most of you don’t have a Gym Nemesis, because you are a fatty, but if you have one, you know that these guys are the worst. I used to be just like you, gross and ugly and into The Bachelor, but then I started going to the gym, and what I found was that the common fears most of the people I’ve talked to who don’t go to the gym have–that people will look at you, that they will mock you for being so weak, that they will punch you in the throat–those feelings go away. Even at my gym now, where there’s some real horse steroid guidos with hamburger shoulders that look like the muscles are trying to tear through the thin containment of fake tanned skin, even at this new gym I am comfortable and at ease. But, as much as those feelings might remain, they are all packed into the body of a Gym Nemesis.
I’m not scared of my Gym Nemesis, I just hate him. Like my relationship with Jim Carey. First of all, I have never gone to the gym and NOT seen my Gym Nemesis. Last Sunday I went to the gym way earlier than usual (10 AM!) and HE WAS LEAVING. Second of all, he always does, like, 8 different cardio machines so that his shirt is completely drenched in sweat. That is too much cardio. That is like “I took crystal meth and played drums in my uncle’s basement for 98 hours straight” cardio. Third, he always wants to work in on any machine you are using, but he doesn’t ask nicely, he just points at the machine and stares at you, and DID I MENTION THAT HE IS COMPLETELY DRENCHED IN AWFUL SWEAT? Finally, and this is the worst, he showers, which is fine, but then proceeds to WALK AROUND THE LOCKER ROOM DRIPPING WET AND COMPLETELY NAKED THE BETTER TO CHECK OUT HIS BODY IN THE MIRROR. It’s one thing to take your shirt off in the locker room and look in the mirror, fine, but do you need to see your glistening cock and balls as well? It’s called a towel, and it is free for patrons.
Now you might be thinking “this is not a funny diary entry, I cannot relate to it,” well guess what, asshole, that is what real hatred is. It is inaccessible, mildly obsessive, terribly unfunny, and drenched in ball sweat.
December 8th, 2006 at 4:01 pm
mmmmm… tasty, salty ball sweat.
December 8th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
For whatever its worth, I think the 3 posts on your apparently excessive exercising was a wise strategy in diverting potential gym stalkers. GM sounds hot though
December 8th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
so the theme is how you have a rippied, spectacular body from going to the gym all the time?
December 8th, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Sorry, I find towels constricting.
December 8th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Kerri is into guys like The Todd from Scrubs. i’m sure.
clam sweat is more repulsive than ball sweat any day of the week
December 8th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
…”Finally, and this is the worst, he showers, which is fine…”
Do you shower at the gym?
December 8th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
I have a gym nemesis. God how I loathe him. His hair is highlighted and he wears it like I did in high school, parted down the center, with bangs that slightly fall into the eyes. And his arms are like twice the size of his legs b/c he never does lower body stuff.
December 8th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
I too have a gym nemesis… He’s the dickhole that wears sunglasses while he works out. Sometimes he wears socks and sandles instead of athletic shoes. And he’s not even super buffed. And he has a mustache and looks at the hotties with fake tits and says to himself “I’m sure that she wishes she could have a mustache ride”. I fucking hate that guy!
December 8th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
Sometimes I wish that smelly armpit ex-con guy would drop a 45 pound plate on my gym nemesis’s foot for not wearing athletic shoes… What a fucktard!
December 9th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
It seems that, like Clark Kent, you have extra sensory ocular powers as well. Your ‘glistening’ adjective for his after shower cock and balls- ‘better like this…or this”
December 11th, 2006 at 11:13 am
I feel your pain brother! It seems everyone at my gym is my nemesis.
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December 14th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
I was looking at gyms when I moved to New York, and one guy was really upselling me, noting that the place had very nice ‘gang showers’. Can you guess what neighborhood?
December 14th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
I feel like all gym rats have nemesis there. Especially in New York. It’s part of the whole super competitive environment. Mine is a toned, yet slender black girl with amazing legs who acts like she owns the place everywhere she walks.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Sounds to me like someone has a crush…
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