So We Meet Again, Under No Less Gay Circumstances
Speaking of the gym: this online diary is now over three years old, and for the bulk of those three years I worked tirelessly to scrub it of any identifying information. To some extent, it was more fun that way, but more importantly it was practical. I didn’t want people at my work and people at my parents’ house to find it. So it was with great trepidation and a lot of hemming and hawing that I actually started putting my real name on shit like that shit that I write at http://www.gawker.com, but the truth was that Mom #3116 had already found this diary, and I didn’t work at [redacted] anymore, and I was in THE BIG CITY where everyone has an online diary because everyone is either gay or Julia Allison. So, as they say, fuck it.
But there are moments when I wish we could just go back to the way things were, when I could jack in to the Matrix when I wanted to make a joke about African lip plates, and then use my metaphorical pay phone to return to the supremely shitty regular world before Agent Smith, which I guess in this case is You, was able to shoot me in the face with one of those weird Matrix bullets that doesn’t kill you as long as you don’t believe in spoons and have true love in the form of a dyke in black latex. (Awesome use of a Matrix metaphor in 2006, me!)
Mostly, my rock solid anonymity would have proven useful last night when I was at the gym and this happened:
Jonathan Ames: Are you [Worker #3116]?
Worker #3116: Yes. How are you?
Jonathan Ames: I read your distorted account of our last meeting. (available here)
Worker #3116: We all have to make a living.
Jonathan Ames: You were strong, but I did arm wrestle 7 other people that night.
Worker #3116: …
Jonathan Ames: …
Worker #3116: So how are things otherwise?
Jonathan Ames: Fine. Do people even still read Gawker?
I’m just saying, if ignorance is bliss, knowledge is mildly awkward encounters with Jonathan Ames at NYSC.
December 8th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
does anybody still read contemporary fiction that isn’t about shopping or wizards?
to be fair, i guess SOMEBODY’s putting his most popular book in the mid-30,000s on amazon.
December 8th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
They were right, you ARE cute.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
i like that somewhere out there, there was some girl/gay who spends too much time out of their work day making blindingly unfunny comments on gawker thinking to themselves, ‘now if i could just find out which nysc jonathan ames works at, i could stalk [worker #3116].’ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. omg, princess coldstare is such a douchewhistle!! like i’d ever go near marquee!!!!!
December 8th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
I choose to believe that Jonathan joined a gym the day after you beat him, only to see you, his nemesis, there just a few weeks later. (I do like JA though, I just choose to believe that because it’s funny.)
December 8th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Ames works out at NYSC?!?
Yikes.
Not easy being a writer I guess.
December 8th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
I kinda wish fewer people in the city were Julia Allison. Or at least fewer people got paid to be Julia Allison. I suppose this has nothing to do with anything, though.
December 8th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
Anyone care to place bets on how long it takes a certain gawker commentor to Lexis Nexis her (presumably) way into his heart? A casually refrence to one’s exact social security # would have been harder to crack
December 8th, 2006 at 4:34 pm
I really hope you mean me, Kerri…
December 8th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
changes
they happen at night.
jack jett
December 9th, 2006 at 1:49 am
The fact that you are a “real person” now, with a name and a face and all that, my plan to hit on you via myspace in hopes that you would make fun of me seems a little creepy.
December 9th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
You look better now, with your hair grown out a little.
More like the successful writer you are, and less like the ugly-chic Brooklyn club kid you’re not.
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