I’m Looking, Feeling Like a Hundred Bucks
I was raised to have very few expectations from life. It’s easier that way, because you are less often disappointed. Obviously, this didn’t work, because I’m disappointed all the fucking time. But, the idea is a nice one. Still, it’s impossible not to have a few expectations from life, which I will list below in bullet-point format:
–When one asks someone else for a recommendation of where to get their haircut, one expects that haircut will cost less than ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS
–When one gets a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR HAIRCUT one expects it to be something a little more dynamic than “shorter”
–When one gets a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR HAIRCUT, one expects at least one person in one’s life to say “hey, nice haircut.”
YOU ARE ON MY LIST CARB.
I AM SO PISSED.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about how much bacon is eaten in the world on a daily basis. I’m just curious. A google search doesn’t turn up any hard numbers, but apparently eating bacon will give you bladder cancer, which isn’t even a cancer I knew existed, so add that one to the things to hate God about.
February 1st, 2007 at 11:01 am
I knew someone who had cancer of the thumb. I can’t find a ribbon to wear for that.
February 1st, 2007 at 11:22 am
Aren’t you Jewish?
February 1st, 2007 at 11:35 am
There’s a barber on Smith Street, a block or two north of Carroll, who will do you right for $12.
I’m here to help.
February 1st, 2007 at 11:40 am
I got a righteous haircut on Henry, just below Sackett. They had some crazy thing on the television, if I recall. But yeah, you should cut your own hair like a legitimate person.
Also any econ major can tell you how much bacon is consumed in a day. I think it is called a “case study” question, which is a standard thing they ask you when you apply to be a banker asshole, so they all learn how to do it. I can ask around if you want, maybe you didn’t meet that many assholes in college. Professor.
February 1st, 2007 at 12:25 pm
When I read ‘Bullet point format’ I expect bullets. Get with the formatting program.
February 1st, 2007 at 1:14 pm
You should have held out for the happy ending..
February 1st, 2007 at 3:25 pm
“you should cut your own hair like a legitimate person.”
In this context, ‘legitimate person’ = Chinaman or pauper.
February 1st, 2007 at 4:32 pm
if you get bladder cancer you have to have a piss bag so obviously i would just slit my wrists instead.
February 1st, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Here you go, asshole:
http://www.fantasticsams.com/
February 8th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
You can’t hate God for that, he says not to eat it. So, in the unlikely event, you were to obey, you wouldn’t get bladder cancer.
Though the whole No-Pork thing is kinda a bitch.
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