National Tragedy
Like most Americans, this morning I was flipping through a copy of the new Radar magazine and was curious to find a two page spread called “Stars on Ice,” which was eerily similar to a pitch of my own for “Celebrity Signature Cocktails.” Not only that, but it was written by Neel Shah. I don’t think that my idea was stolen, because the idea was simple enough, but it hurts me, Neel Shah, in my heart. Anyway, since the pitch had gotten stalled at a certain magazine’s website, which rhymes with Fanity Vair, it is now dead, killed by Busted Tees Nuts. So I will now use this e-cumdumpster of a fartsite to lay hilarious little jokes to rest.
TAKEN BEFORE THEIR TIME! (now in new, funnier order!)
Kevin Federline’s “Popozao”
22 oz. malt liquor
3 oz. hot damn
1.5 oz bleach
served in a Big Gulp cup with a mentholated tobacco leaf for garnish
Nancy Grace’s “Poor Dead Child”
8 oz. sparkling white wine
2 orphan tears
a lipstick “salted” rim
served in a souvenir glass shaped like a penis
Collin Ferrell’s “Danny Boy”
3. oz single malt scotch
served in a used condom
I CAN DO THESE ALL DAY, AND I MIGHT.
February 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I ADORE the Colin Farrell one. Might have to mix up a few tonight and have a party.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
ann nicole smith’s GROSS-tini
(DRINK IF U DARE);
6 oz. of skeeet
3 oz. of fake breast silicone
sprinkled with a billion dollars
and also drugs
and the blood of her son, and the DIARHREA of the national media
February 9th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
oh please would you?
February 9th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Trevor- it’s so funny to joke about someone’s kid dying, you’re hilarious (????) Don’t you have some babies to eat or something?
February 9th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
tla, first of all, can’t you see that i’m BLAMING her for his untimely death (based on zero evidence, mind you)
second, he was an ADULT my friend.
third, somehow you weren’t offended that i disrespected the still-fresh corpse (including the breasts) of a national icon????? her adult methadone-addict son is all you care about??????????????? your priorities are weird!
get a new crusade bizatch!!!!!!!!!!!!! moralizing on a haha-website isn’t gettin you anywhere my man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 9th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
i’m not sure what’s more perfect the Big Gulp cup or mentholated tobacco garnish.
February 10th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
I can’t believe you called this site an ecumdumpter.
Doesn’t your mother read this?
February 12th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Trevor- wow…you’re an idiot
February 14th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
TLA99, you’re so unfunny that it was entirely plausible that you were being sincere. remember, on the internet, no one knows you’re a dog. BUT EVERONE KNOWS YOU A BITCH!!!!! lol
February 14th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Do you even make sense to yourself?
I’m not funny and I was probably being serious, I’m a dog and and a bitch…. laughter (whaaaa??)
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