Dream Date
I don’t know about you, but when I ride the subway and there is an open seat next to a pretty girl, I like to take that seat. But the main reason that I like to take that seat is because I feel like maybe other people in the car will look over and think that we are a couple, and then they’ll notice that we’re not talking, and they’ll think that maybe we had a fight the night before. And in my head I’m like, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy but it’s not like I need to rush home to have you BITCH AT ME ALL NIGHT, Jesus Christ. No, of course I care about your feelings, but I have a life outside of this relationship and I don’t think that’s unreasonable.”
At this point the pretty girl will look over at me and I will give her a dirty look, like “No, I’m not apologizing until you do.” Then we both go back to reading our respective books and magazines, which sometimes is so nice, just to be so comfortable with someone that you don’t even have to talk, but on mornings like this it’s clear that we’re both just trying to make a point. There’s so much going unspoken, and I read the same paragraph over and over like four times because I can’t concentrate because I’m just so annoyed with this selfish obstinance.
Then I get off the train and I don’t even say goodbye because I want her to know that her behavior is unacceptable.
March 1st, 2007 at 11:59 am
I do the same thing.
March 1st, 2007 at 1:23 pm
freak
March 1st, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I don’t think you do this.
I think you think about doing it but by the time you remember it’s premeditated and not as fun anymore.
March 1st, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Damn. You definitely showed her who’s boss. Teach that bitch a lesson!
March 1st, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Dear Worker,
I’m dumb!
Sincerely,
Another Girl
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:53 pm
You could’ve at least brought me the leftovers from your night with the boys at Chuck E. Cheese’s.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Cad.
:rolls eyes:
Seriously, I’ve enjoyed your website and Gawker posts for 6 months!
Rory
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
This was awesome.
March 4th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
her internal monologue probably involves a similar hypothetical situation in which she thinks about all the kinky, unnatural sex acts she would have offered to perform if you hadn’t ruined it all by debuting the face behind the brilliant cache of retard jokes whilst sporting a reindeer sweater.
(or was i the only one choking back a solitary tear while deleting you from both my myspace ‘to-stalk’ list and my personal spank bank?)
…i’d still let you stick the tip in, i’m not gonna lie…
March 6th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
The passive-aggressive silence might be a symptom of guilt — unconsciously sabotaging your relationship. But the fact that you’re overwrought tells me that you guys are soul-mates. She’s probably even pretty enough to give you credit for empathizing and being man enough to cop to your role in the self-destructive behavior.
March 7th, 2007 at 1:29 am
adorable
June 4th, 2007 at 11:48 am
I normally do the same thing except I stand next to tall/hot/boy, semi leaning into them, making people think we are together and I smile at him and eye my coffee, letting people think he must have paid for my coffee…and possibly my expensive bag as well…and then I hope people think he is rich and we live in a beautiful penthouse apartment…..but in reality I do it so the little mexican guy thinks I’m with someone and stops trying to grope my leg.
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