Toygers: They’re Grrrrrrr-eh, They’re Fine
I was reading this article [LINK] about toygers (half cat, half tiger, three quarters “clever” nickname), which I will admit are pretty sweet. But a big part of the article is about how when toygers become available for ownership, they are going to be the most expensive, most elite status symbol pet ever.
WRONG.
I recognize that I don’t have any taste, money, or intelligence, but even I know that this is bullshit. Sure, the nouveau riche will be all about the toyger, but old money is still on REGULAR MOTHERFUCKING TIGERS. “Oh, that’s a really cute little toyger you have there in your Dooney & Burke bag. I love it. So cute. Oh, this old thing? THIS IS JUST A FUCKING TIGER ON A DIAMOND LEASH WITH A COLLAR MADE OUT OF THE GOLD-PLATED HEADS OF TOYGERS.”
When a toyger goes to a party, everyone wants to play with it. When a tiger goes to a party, everyone SHUTS THE FUCK UP.
April 26th, 2007 at 10:31 am
The other day this old rich bitch was walking her jumbo standard poodle with its ridiculous afro-puffs hairdo, and she looked down her nose at my cute, dopey, former status-symbol pet schnoodle and asked “Is that a poodle?” “It’s half poodle,” I replied. To which she literally laughed in my face and cackled “I think I know what you mean” and walked off. Fucking rich bitch.
April 26th, 2007 at 11:43 am
you have a schnoodle. i bet she’s still laughing.
April 26th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Regarding your gawker.com link — it’s hard to get here with all that traffic now.
LOLCATZ ARE N UR INTERNETZ SLOWIN UR TRAFFICZ!
April 26th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
I’m sure the Toyger will not be the status pet for long, the animal makers down at the lab will are working furiously to crossbreed a cat with a small dog so cat owners can make their pet go public. Those Toygers are fucking cute though.
April 26th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I hope the ‘animal makers’ win because cat is a dog’s carte blanche. It would be like this:
- I’m sorry, we do not allow dogs in this store/restaurant/other.
- Don’t worry, she’s half cat.
- Well in that case, that is the sickest thing I’ve ever heard. Get the fuck out of my store.
April 26th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I’ve sworn off “status symbol pets” ever since my mogwai incident.
April 26th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
did a cat impregnate a tiger or vice versa? i think a man cat doing a tigress has some comic potential; also, a lady cat giving birth to toyger (meeowch!)
April 26th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Poor Gatsby, so new. You got a tiger? Bring it to the next Ritalin reading or something, yeah? I can’t tell where your sarcasm begins/ends, at all. I’m confused. Are you saying: “Old money rocks!” Go Choate! Go Exeter and Spence! Huh? Or, is this a Swiftian parody that’s so smart it flew over my little ol’ money head? I kinda dig these new weirdo engineered toygers. They’re so cute.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
The mom of the creator of the Toyger is the creator of the Bengal. Her childhood must have been very lonely, stinky, and nicotine-stained.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:40 am
TB, if you get a toyger, the breeder will accidentally give you a baby tiger and it will grow up and EAT YOU! THEY LOVE THE TASTE OF OLD MONEY!!! IT’S A WELL-KNOWN FACT!!! You’ve been warned…..
April 27th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I’ve been warned by Melissa. Oh no. My baby toyger’s gonna come eat me. Yummy omophagy! Take this, and eat it, J.C. What would J. Crew do? He’d say: “I am like, so glad that I was like, raised amongst catalogs. I’m gonna be the best fucktard EVER!” Dumbasses.
April 30th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
straff(1:03:16 PM): nice huh
Oak121 (1:03:25 PM): that was hilarious
Oak121 (1:03:37 PM): i had forgotten about the toygers
straff(1:05:26 PM): i know
straff(1:05:30 PM): i want to marry gabe delahaye
straff(1:05:33 PM): he is psuedo perfect
Oak121 (1:04:03 PM): ok…well im going to marry the postman
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