Dear CBS,
I have some great new ideas for some reality shows based on your brand new series Pirate Master that I think will really appeal to that elusive 18-35 year old age group.
Robot Master
Unicorn Master
Dinosaur Master
Zombie Master
Ironic Leg Warmers Master
Tron Theme Party Master
Wolf Sweatshirt Master
Owl Pendant Master
PBR Master
Lazer Tag Master
Most Retarded Haircut Master

Please send [...]

I have been baffled for a few weeks now by the weekly “Sex Diaries” in New York Magazine’s Daily Intelligencer on-line diary. Every week, it’s basically the same thing: a young New Yorkiteian details their sex life, except WHAT ARE THESE SEX LIVES? The one that I linked to is actually relatively tame in comparison [...]

Buried somewhere in this image of Jonathan Taylor Thomas is the podcast for this month’s Ritalin Reading series.
EASTERRRRRRRRRRRRRR EGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

Up-down-up-down-left-right-a-b-select-start. Now you have unlimited lives.

So I was listening to Timbaland’s “Give It to Me” (feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake) yesterday, because it was 6:45 and that is when I listen to Timbaland’s “Give It to Me” (feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake), when I noticed that Timbaland was directing an unusual taunt at me:
I get a half a [...]

Either out of boredom, laziness, or sheer stupidity, I am holding my first ever contest. My friend sent me some copies of this book, and now I am going to give one away to one of you fucking assholes, because I hate you, and I hate my friend, and I want to waste one of [...]

There is a girl at my gym who has been declared “the hot girl,” because Ti-1000, Hamtram, Lenny Travitz, and I have all brought her up separately at some point in a fashion much like this:
“There was this girl at the gym today doing these stretches–”
“–Oh, the hot girl?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Fuuuuuuuuck. Does she have to [...]

(cnn.com)
UPDATE: This post sucks, but it especially sucks in Firefox. You can either look at it in another browser, or, what I would recommend, stop reading this site altogether.

Watch it. I’ll be back later.

1. No.
2. I’m glad that they did not get rid of the rattle sankes before FILLING THE TOWN WITH UNSUPERVIZED CHILDREN.
3. Something tells me that kid with the blue mohawk is not going to win the college scholarship.
4. I love that there are “no [...]

1. 02:06
2. “and then I’m gonna _______________ all over your _______________”
3. NO CHEATING.
4. My mom reads this diary.

Worker #3116: I thought you had jury duty.
Ti-1000: It doesn’t start until 10.
Worker #3116: Oh, OK.
Ti-1000: You know what makes no sense?
Worker #3116: Your face?
Ti-1000: …
Worker #3116: DING DONG!