Who Has/Is the Hottest Burger?
There is a girl at my gym who has been declared “the hot girl,” because Ti-1000, Hamtram, Lenny Travitz, and I have all brought her up separately at some point in a fashion much like this:
“There was this girl at the gym today doing these stretches–”
“–Oh, the hot girl?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Fuuuuuuuuck. Does she have to do that in public?”
She’s kind of trashy. OK, she’s very trashy, but also hot. Hotttt Ttttrash. She looks like this:
That’s actually a picture of her doing sit ups. She dates one of the personal trainers. He looks like this:
That is a picture of him taking a break.
Anyway, I’ve always wondered what they talk about, and last night she came up to him while he was sitting on a weight bench, so I pretended to look for a better song on my iPod while in real life I was SPYKIDSING! So good:
Meat Trainer: You know that place we got burgers on 2nd Ave.? Remember? The place on 2nd Ave. With the big burger? The big burger!
Jersey Spice: Um…yeah.
Meat Trainer: I don’t like it. There’s this other place over on 10th, they got a good burger. I like their burger.
Jersey Spice: …
Meat Trainer: It’s good.
HOW CAN YOU COMPETE WITH THAT?
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:51 am
“Meat Trainer” sounds like a porn site in the Bang Bros. network.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I actually thought “burger” was a reference to the female pubic region. Disappointed…
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
it sucks being human sometimes, with our conflicting desires. it makes you feel like, what’s the point of this daily struggle if every day you face up to some equivalent of that woman’s body combined with that woman’s brain? it’s really demoralizing. i had a dream last night that my penis had become detached somehow. i was bummed, sure, but i was like “i knew this was going to happen. just my luck.” so i carried it around, thinking i’d eventually get around to finding a surgeon to reattach it, but like, work is busy, and i don’t really want to give up a weekend, and i don’t even like anyone right now anyway, and even if i did, what were the chances she’d want to sleep with me? THEN i woke up and was like, it was just a dream, thank god, i guess.
anyway this post made me remember most of that. THANKS!
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
I have to wonder if your hot girl is the same one who is always advertising her asshole in the ladies locker room. She’s got a great body, but I’ve never seen anyone spend more time with her head betwixt her knees presenting her splendor to the world.
Since it’s normally pointed in my direction, I’d assumed she was hitting on me. Finding out she’s taken makes me feel used.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Actually I still have no idea which woman you guys are talking about. I definitely know the guy in the second photo though. I can’t believe you found a picture of him. And nullus.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Jeez - Trevor - could you, like, bold that part that I’m supposed to be interested in? It’s like if James Joyce wrote an episode of ‘Scrubs’, and I don’t mean that in a nice way.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
i think he’s talking about Paul’s on 2nd ave. he’s right, their burgers aren’t “all that.”
did you like that subtle kenan and kel reference i made there?
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Meat Trainer is a porno name. He was in Boner Jams ‘04.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
hi eli,
it’s a comment you don’t have to read on a blog you don’t have to read. thanks for reading.
-dickless trevor
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:04 pm
This weekend I listened to three perfectly cute girls debate how sketchy it would be to post a Casual Encounters ad. New York has to be the most under-laid city I’ve ever lived in. It seems like no one approaches anyone because they’re too much of a pussy or else they overexamine and then talk themselves out of it. Meanwhile Meat Trainer looked at Hott Trash and thought “hot chick i like burgers grunt,” walked up to her, and now they’re fucking, theee end.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:06 pm
pauls vs. blue moon… he’s actually right.
May 23rd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I want to hear more from Lena.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:42 am
@trevor: Your comment totally reminded me of an episode of Beavis & Butthead where one of the videos featured was for a song called “Detachable Penis” by King Missile.
http://www.mp3lyrics.org/k/king-missile/detachable-penis/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detachable_Penis
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_musicians_appearing_on_Beavis_and_Butt-Head
May 24th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
yeah i rememebeereer that song from the radio. 89X “the cutting edge of rock” foreva yall!
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