A Couple Thoughts I Had About Date Rape and Diarrhea
I was just thinking about date rape and how fucked up it is. Man, it is really fucked up! Say what you will about regular rape, or as I call it, Classic Rape, but it is a very clear demonstration of sexual violence and power dynamics. Date rape, though, starts on a date. Dudes, you are halfway there. A date is the first step towards physical sex. If you are on a date with a girl and she doesn’t seem quite ready to sleep with you, you can either:
1. date rape her
2. go on a second date
Oh, and here’s the other thing that has got me worried this afternoon: do you think there will still be Pepto Bismol after the Apocalypse? Because I’m pretty sure the Apocalypse is going to give me some serious tummy trubbs.
June 7th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Reminds me of this fucked-up story. Even rape that isn’t “classic rape” is 99% of the time not about sex, but about power. The guy in San Francisco was well on his way to some hot consensual sex, but that wasn’t what he wanted…he wanted to rape someone.
But damn Gabe, first dissing Larry David for being insecure about having a successful wife, now going on the record as anti-rape…I think you’re getting soft in your bald age.
June 7th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I’d think the AIDS-afflicted zombies classically raping you would be more of a pressing doomsday concern than a little case of the green apple trots. If anything, you could use it as a defensive weapon. You will need a weapon.
But I envy your optimism re: surviving.
June 7th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
The thing about your garden-variety zombie is that their diet consists of brains. Therefore, we can assume that the zombies will be the ones needing Pepto post-Apocalypse. Don’t be bogarting their meds.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
It just seems like whatever would cause the Apocalypse would also cause whatever the chemicals in the bottle to react horribly and thus be rendered inactive. I just imagine that the liquid would still be IN the bottle but that when we drink it, it wouldn’t work.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
If the apocalypse comes you would only have diarrhea for a little while because after that food would become really scarce until it’s just you and your little son walking southward with a shopping cart full of tarps and a few cans of peaches, and then you come across a scary basement full of dying people, and one of them is partially eaten
June 7th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
But maybe the Pepto TABS would still work though. I mean that makes sense right? Yeah. That makes more sense.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Well I should clarify that this medicine is to treat nervous-stomach, not I-ate-some-bad-irradiated-Lunchables-stomach.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Only gays and Jews get nervous stomach. Italians sorta get it, but it’s called ageda.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Oh, well since you’re talking about YOUR stomach I’ll go with EZ: apocalypse=no food=no diarrhea, nervous stomach or no. If you’re lucky enough to find a fresh supply of water, you could have nervous pee instead? How attractive is that.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Wow. So what happens if a gay Jew gives an Italian a blowjob? Nevermind about that…I really need to get to the bottom of this Pepto question. Maybe if you put the pepto in like…tupperware or something. Or maybe one of those red and white coolers that poor people have to take to their jobs all the time.
June 7th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
I’m sorry, but it’s obvious that when you see the apocalypse coming, or you ask someone on the street and he tells you, you have to get in your bathtub with some water in it (also have the shower going DUH you’re not retarded) and clutch a vacuum-sealed tin of PB to your chest, or insert it into your body if at all possible
nervous pee, on the other hand, will let the ladies know what’s up; that you’re still functional and you know where the water’s at
June 7th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Oh, I totally wouldn’t worry about the Pepto. You’ll undoubtedly be transported to Heaven in the pre-Apocalypse rapture. Like me. Wow, I can’t even wait. The streets in Heaven are paved with Rolaids, and Pepto flows from every spigot, praise be!
June 8th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Pray to ur G-d that Deborah doesn’t read this post.
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