Hate This Fridays!
Actually, I have a very difficult relationship with cauliflower. I fucking hate it. So, there’s that. But it’s also one of the better reminders of how nice adulthood can be, because I know for a fact that I never have to eat cauliflower again. It’s a strong, disgusting testament to my independence.
Look, I’m sure I would love cauliflower if I was into dry, mealy vegetables that tasted like someone dug a pile of styrofoam out of the ground and steamed it in a used up vacuum-cleaner bag. Then I would be all over that shit.
One time, in Chicago, which is basically the cauliflower of big cities, I was at a diner and I ordered a vegetable omelet and it had steamed carrots and steamed cauliflower in it. I still get mad thinking about that omelet. And I don’t mean mad like shake-my-head-and-rue- that-stupid-diner-that-served-an-ungodly-omelet mad. I mean like build-a-rocket-ship-and-travel-to-another-planet-from-which-to-construct-an-Earth-destroying- weapon-and-point-it-at-the-Earth-and-destroy-Earth mad. Also, what the fuck, though, seriously, diner? If I want to eat breakfast in a nursing home, I’ll eat breakfast in a fucking nursing home. I don’t need you to make that choice for me.
When Timber Wolf was in town last weekend, she tried to suggest that broccoli was a man-made invention from pro-gardeners combining strains of cauliflower and asparagus. I don’t actually have anything to even add to that hilarious nonsense. But seriously, cauliflower, eat me (ding dong fart!)
June 8th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
http://www.gourmetsleuth.com/equivalents_substitutions.asp?index=A&tid=2474
Now there’s a hybrid vegetable for you.
& here’s another …
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professor_Xavier
June 8th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
“I was at a diner and I ordered a vegetable omelet”?
I bet the vegetable omelet was too big to fit in your mouth-pussy all at once so you had to take the leftovers home in your purse.
June 8th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
And Max gets the ding-dong on that one (nullus). Steamed vegetables in general are pretty bogus. I think carrots are more offensive, but it’s not really worth quibbling over. There is that awesome Indian dish with cauliflower though (no vego). Plants are weird, and cauliflower and/or broccoli is/are some sort of engineered vegetable, but I really don’t think asparagus is involved, because asparagus is just a type of grass. I was actually wondering the other day why asparagus is called a vegetable and not a grain, and I decided it’s because we eat the stalk (nullus) and not the little “grain” parts (or “fruit” (nullus)).
June 8th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I mean, of course we do eat the grainy fruit part, but we mostly eat the stalk.
June 8th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Thanks for clearing that up, tps12.
June 9th, 2007 at 9:54 am
yeah broccoli isn’t for real.
it was invented by some relative of the people that produced the james bond films. an elder broccoli was an agriculturalist or something and crossed cauliflower with some green shit and named it after the family.
then the younger broccolis weren’t feeling it so they did the james bond thing.
seriously. I’m not even making that up.
June 9th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Steamed vegetables smell like a fart sometimes. I wont eat food that smells like a fart. I will eat food that smells like shit. That’s why I like pate’.
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