PARENTAL WARNING: TRACEY L. HESTER IS GOING TO PUSH YOUR KID DOWN A GIANT HILL WITH FAULTY ROLLER-SHOES
Many days ago, I wrote something that in the age of tea would have been called a “screed” about what I have been informed are called “Heelys,” but which I referred to as “those fucking shoes with the wheels or whatever.” I hate these shoes, and I hate the children who ride the cement rails of our city streets in them.
But today I received this:
Heelys is recruiting kids to test their new line of products. The kids need to know how to “heel”, be willing to use the product a large amount of time and report their feedback on a feedback form that Heelys provides. The feedback will need to be as detailed as possible. They will have deadlines to meet with the forms and return of product. It is no cost to the parents, we pay for all shipping. Please let me know of anyone who may be interested. traceylhester@yahoo.com
Um…ignoring for the moment the part where obviously I don’t know anyone who would be interested because I AM NOT ALLOWED AROUND CHILDREN, and also setting aside why Heelys would be contacting children via a blog post about how horrible Heelys are WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THAT THEY ARE CALLED HEELYS, can we talk about how this multi-million dollar industry that is speeding along the youth of our nation supposedly I am supposed to believe uses YAHOO EMAIL ADDRESSES.
Important message to parents: Stay away from Tracey L. Hester. I do not know what she is up to, but I know this, your children will die at her hand (OR SHOULD I SAY FEET, DING DONG THIS SUCKS JOKE FART JPEG EMAIL).
July 10th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
I’m more upset by Tracey L. Hester’s attempt to invent a new trademarkable verb by adding air quotes around an existing verb. More kids should learn how to heel before we move on to learning how to “heel.”
July 10th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
I can’t believe she hasn’t upgraded to gmail.
July 10th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I don’t trust anything that lacks a pluralizing apostrophe between the ending “y” and “s”.
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