I’m sorry that you died, Robert Goulet. I’m not sorry that you died because of how great you were, or because it’s sad that people die. Both of those things are pretty open for debate. I’m sorry that you died because I think it’s really upsetting when someone dies and all the obituaries and comedy [...]

You guys, we have a lot of fun with poor people around here.

The call is coming from inside the diary!
Maybe this is a lame cop-out (or the sad little wizard behind the green curtain), but I think a lot of it comes from a deep well of fear/empathy of/for the uncomfortable realities of life on [...]

When the socially conscious star [Brad Pitt] offered to help the Democratic contender’s [Barack Obama] presidential campaign, he was turned down, our sources report.
The overture was made through intermediaries, and it’s not known whether the Illinois senator was even aware of Pitt’s offer to make appearances on his behalf.
Obama’s advisers felt Pitt was “a great [...]

Actress Natalie Portman, who graduated from Syosset High School in 1999, says math was one of her favorite subjects in school. Now she’s a guest editor of Scholastic Math, a magazine for students in grades 6-9 that’s available in classrooms and by subscription.
(newsday.com)
Cheat Sheet
Guest Edited by Natalie Portman
Dear Cheat Sheet,
I sit next to the cutest [...]

Most men consider shaving a chore worthy of Sisyphus, who was damned to push a boulder up a mountain only to have it roll back down.
(New York Times)
The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly shave his face every morning, whence the facial hair would regrow anew. They had thought with some reason that there is [...]

Balls, I was able to save your deleted comment from a late-arriving notification email.
That was a lot of words used to make the point that you don’t want to eat Thai food in the morning (more words = more funny?). You know who eats Thai food in the morning? Asian people. Not [...]

Dear Asian Guy Near the Stairs at the Broadway/Lafayette Subway Stop This Morning,
First let me please just say that I commend you. This is an exhausting city in every way: financially, emotionally, and physically. I often wonder how it is that people can afford to live here on service industry wages, and anyone who shows [...]

Leo and Bar broke up you guys.
I’m thinking about shutting this whole site down because it’s just, like, what’s even the point?
FACT: TRUE LOVE IS A MYTH.
I hope you’ve called Shimon Peres with the sad news and explained that you never meant to break his heart.

(photo courtesy of justjared.com)
This is worse than when my parents [...]

Ritalin Readings: Thursday, November 1st (NEW VENUE)
Ritalin Readings is back, and will now occur every month at The Slipper Room (nullus). Next week’s show:
Thursday, November 1st
8pm, $5
Hosted by Lindsay Robertson and myself, produced by Jon Friedman
* Michelle Collins (Best Week Ever)
* Sloane Crosley (Author of the upcoming [...]

(People)