Last Night:

Headphones have been scientifically designed to do two things: broadcast music and break all the time. Mine broke last night, so I had to stop by Best Buy and buy some new headphones. This is how I ended up in line behind a woman just entering middle age with that God-cursing air of panic about her before she settles into the sassy nothing left to lose age of her early 60s. She was probably 31, is what I’m saying. Anyhow, it was about 8PM, Tuesday night, so naturally she was buying a copy of Ratatouille on DVD? WHAT? Look, I loved Ratatouille as much as the next Tom Scharpling, but I’m not sure it requires a quick stop after work on your way to picking up half a rotisserie chicken at the C-Town and a 12-pound bag of Fresh Step.

This Morning:

What has made the writers’ strike so intensely boring these past two weeks is that I kind of thought that it was a given that everyone was behind the writers. Who else are you going to be behind? Les Moonves? (Shout out to Les Moonves, the first and last time your name will ever appear in anything typed by my hand, ENJOY IT.) Nope. Not everyone. I found someone who not only finds the writers to be “greedy” but also conflates their cause with the reason Broadway has shut down (different strike), which this person claims has crippled New York tourism, therefore, in an airtight bit of logic, you writers are RUINING THE CITY. This person would also like to point out that “you can’t be mad that the white man (production) has figured out a way to game the system, and you need to get on your grind and find your own way into the game.”

y’heard?

At first I was like WAIT A SECOND, MISS JONES. For one, the writers’ strike and the stagehands’ strike are two completely separate issues. Also, the writers are entitled to compensation from any profit-making scheme that involves the reproduction and distribution of their work. And I’m not convinced by your argument that all writers are making really great money and this is just greedy. But then Miss Jones said something that really struck me to my core, and I now stand with her against the writers, because I DID NOT REALIZE. Writers, did you know that now that you’ve shut down Broadway and crippled New York tourism, YOU’RE ALSO COSTING MONEY TO DIDDY’S JET BLUE AIRLINES*?

Dear Writers,
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Fuck you.

Signed: America.

*A google search for “diddy jet blue” and “diddy airline” turned up no official confirmation that Diddy holds any stake whatsoever in Jet Blue Airlines. The writers just probably haven’t gotten around to writing about it, what with all the ruining everything.