Alien held out its claw and shook the empty glass gently but with obvious insistence. Predator rolled its eyes and looked at the clock. Not even 9:30. At this rate, Alien would have drunk half a case of champagne before midnight, and he was out of his alien mind if he thought Predator was going [...]

I have a recurring nightmare in which I am trying to get to the airport and/or helicopter and I can’t. Either I’m stuck in traffic, or some mom #3116 is nagging me, or I don’t even know what. I can’t do it. It’s always five minutes before the flight and I’m an hour away and [...]

On Dec. 17, 1957, things came to a head. Trickey was inching her way between the tables in the lunchroom.
“I was holding the tray above their heads, trying to get through the aisle,” she recalls.
Meanwhile, junior Dent Gitchel was trying to eat his lunch.
“There were some guys harassing her along the aisle,” he says. “Some [...]

Having been elected as Zombie Apocalypse Team Leader in the past, I feel that it falls to me to address Marzipandrew’s post-I Am Legend survival discussion last night, in particular the suggestion of getting an aircraft carrier and sailing around the world with the sun, so that it is never night.
1. No.
2. No.
3. Aircraft carriers [...]

Man, how about this week, you guys? What a snooze!

Fart.
Last night I was walking home from the grocery store with my groceries (I’m really into groceries), and heard a bunch of explosions. Is this it? I wondered. Is Al-Qaeda’s Cloverfield attack really happening? SPOILER ALERT: There wasn’t an attack on New York last night. It [...]

(New York Times)
Ban Ki-moon: Hey!
Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono: Oh, hey.
Guy on the Left: WHAT UP!
Ban Ki-moon: What’s up, you guys?
Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono: Hey!
Guy on the Left: WHAT IT DO!
Ban Ki-moon: I like your shirt.
Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono: I like your shirt.
Guy on the Left: Man, check out our shirts.
Ban Ki-moon: Climate change, you guys.
Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono: Let’s [...]

Here it is:

Since everyone who reads this diary is a baby with a mom who still tucks it in at night, you probably saw the trailer for the upcoming Jumper War movie, Jumper, and thought OLD NEWS, I have already read the young adult novel by the same name because I am a shitty child.

Apparently, [...]

The man tucked the pistol into the waistband of his pants and looked out over the ash-covered asphalt. They would have to get moving soon. He looked down at the boy, cherubic lick of hair sticking up over the damp, smelling blankets, that had been covered by a thin layer of gray snow dead ash [...]