Rachel Bilson’s Body Is the Shire
EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
YOU STEAL THE CRIPPLE’S GIRL, JOHN MAYER, BUT YOU WON’T FIGHT A CRIPPLE? YOU’RE A COWARD, MAYER.
Seriously, something is missing here.
Warning to John Mayer. That girl is poiiiison. She’ll drive you right out of your legs.
None of this even matters. John Mayer is interested in three things that I am not interested in:
1. Making horrible music
2. Expensive watches
3. Minka Kelly
Don’t get me wrong, Minka’s pom-poms will always have a place in my heart, but this weekend I was at a Christmas party, and when I walked out of the room where people were getting their picture taken with a monkey in a Santa outfit (it was such a silly party!), I almost knocked someone over. Who did I almost knock over? My old flame Rachel Bilson, that is who it was. Rachel “Motherfucking Summer” Bilson? Hello. Sorry, Minka Kelly. Were you ever in a Subway commercial? Your body may be a wonderland, but compared to Rachel Bilson’s it’s Mordor (that’s a type of bad wonderland, so now you get it.) Minka Kelly against Rachel Bilson is like me vs. Chuck Lidell.
Ouch? That’s not even fair. If you want to have a head-to-head, have a head-to-head.
Call it, Friend-o.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Isn’t that Minka chick like 12? There’s something illegal/morally repugnant about this right? Celebrities get away with everything and John Mayer is a huge douchebag
December 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Are you joking? Look at the photos! She was born in 1980, but I’m pretty sure Spirit Airlines named their new sale after her.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Whew, I was afraid this whole post was going to go over my head.until I got to the Mordor reference.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
I know you are very excited that blogs and Barry Diller created an opportunity for you to smell Rachel Bilson, but that does not change the fact that Minka Kelly is hotter. Sorry, you are wrong.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
You can have her. I’m sure she’ll be very impressed by your stupidity.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Rachel Bilson is sooo much hotter than Minka Kelly. Something is wrong with Minkas chin and she has cankles. shes obviously with john mayer to get more popular. She is also a terrible actress.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Wow she’s older than I am…I am dumb.
Also, I agree that Rachel Bilson is hotter
December 4th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
This probably belongs in an email but life is so public now so I am here to say that I currently have two problems with you:
1) on facebook someone apparently voted you as having a better laugh than me. this is patently untrue. i wish i could retract the time i voted you more likely to do a favor for me than spaceham or someone.
2) you KNOW that rachel bilson and her dog are my celebrity bff’s and you clearly did not tell her to call me. because she hasn’t.
i’m not angry. i’m just sad. i mean jealous.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Isn’t Rachel Bilson like 35? You and her can retire together, Gabe, to an old-person’s home because you are both so old.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
She’s one year older than your precious Minka, but without the “I’ve lived a hard life and now I’m just going to find my happiness. Now where are those Parliament Lights?” wrinkles.
Also you’re fat.
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