How You Going to Make a Movie About Jumpers and Not Talk About the Jumper War?
Here it is:
Since everyone who reads this diary is a baby with a mom who still tucks it in at night, you probably saw the trailer for the upcoming Jumper War movie, Jumper, and thought OLD NEWS, I have already read the young adult novel by the same name because I am a shitty child.
Apparently, if you have the power to teleport, you go to a special medical clinic where they enlarge your body into the size of the Flatiron Building and replace your legs with cacti. Incidentally, why would you “jump” onto the head of the Sphinx at dawn? Shouldn’t you be in bed with a woman who you seduced through your powers of teleportation? He’s not even looking at the sunset, either. Also, his coat is too long. Bad jumper, dude. Jump yourself into heaven. You’re dead to me.
Anyhow, I don’t know about this movie. Max Silvestri seems to think it’s going to be great, but he also wanted to see Beowulf in the theater and is traditionally pretty into anything about teenage boys escaping abusive alcoholic fathers. But I feel like it demands too much pre-accepted knowledge. What’s this movie about? Oh, jumpers? Sure, but it’s going to cover the great Jumper War isn’t it? It is? Great, because Jumper Jones’ Diary’s total dismissal of the Jumper War except for a one sentence mention in a chapter about Jumping into Macy’s after it was closed was ridiculous.
Hey Jumper, jump THIS!
Anyhow, you can watch the full trailer here. But then you’ll want to rewatch this part where the jumpers steal a double decker bus from London and crash it into Samuel L. Jackson on the moon.
(double-click to play)
Remind you of ANYTHING?
December 11th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
for the first time since the accident, zoorace.com has finally made it fun for me to race an assortment of exotic and domesticated animals again.
December 12th, 2007 at 1:08 am
gonna be hard to seduce anyone, what with his torso and middle section made out of cacti and all. seriously, what the fuck is this whole thing about? is this a movie, or something? I’m confused…
December 12th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Stephen J. Gould is way more prolific than I realized.
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