On the plane to France, the seatbacks have the embedded TV screens, which offer a selection of movies and “games.” The games are sub-first-generation Game Boy, with the sole enhancement that they are in color rather than sick-green and black. But they do have my favorite game “Qui Veut Etre Un Millionaire?” I have already [...]

I have a recurring nightmare in which I am trying to get to the airport and/or helicopter and I can’t. Either I’m stuck in traffic, or some mom #3116 is nagging me, or I don’t even know what. I can’t do it. It’s always five minutes before the flight and I’m an hour away and [...]

Speaking of bodies that are wonderlands, last night I was walking down the street when I felt a bloody nose coming on. It’s the dry season, so between that and ALL THAT COCAINE I LOVE TO PARTY, I was not particularly concerned. Besides, I had a couple napkins in my back pocket. I used the [...]

Obviously I don’t wish cancer on any child, but I work hard for my money, and I don’t think it’s fair of you to expect me to just give it up willy nilly for every two-bit cause that comes knocking on my door. No sir. I want to help, but I don’t crawl into bed [...]

I went to the shoulder doctor yesterday to get my shoulder cancer looked at. He prescribed me an anti-inflammatory medication. I know that joking about side effects of medicine is so old and worn out that even MadTV has started doing it, but looking over the description of the medicine’s effects, I was concerned by [...]

Team Babies, I have good news about fighting and bad news about fighting, which do you want first? Just kidding (about the whole caring what you want thing.)
Bad news: I have shoulder cancer. We were practicing an escape yesterday where the instructor had me in a triangle choke and I had to plant a [...]

When I moved last summer I stopped taking MSM because my supply of Trader Joe’s MSM ran out, and I also wasn’t doing ultimate fighting anymore. But now I am doing ultimate fighting again, and then last week I had my strange and horrible illness that gets me so much sympathy with the ladies. So [...]

Isn’t it weird how Keith Richards murdered all those children in the boiler room of the power plant where he worked only to have the townspeople take justice into their own hands by throwing molotov cocktails at the building, trapping him inside while he burned alive, and then those three dream demons came and offered [...]

I bought one of those healthy cereals that some hippie on the farm his lawyer wife bought him invented because when it comes to this body, ladies, we are dealing with a cut temple, and because it was actually cheaper than Cheerios. But I started to regret my decision almost immediately, when I got home [...]

Another factor may also be at work in many people who are preoccupied with becoming famous, one linked to a subconscious but acute appreciation of mortality. In recent experiments, psychologists have shown that, when reminded that they will one day die, people fixate on attributes they consider central to their self-worth.
Those who value strength squeeze [...]