For the past ten years (Jesus Fucking Christ, I just broke a hip typing that), China Jet and I have been having the same argument. His position is that there used to be a cartoon about a boy who turned into a sports car whenever he got warm. My position was that there was never [...]

There is an old-school Hummer in my neighborhood. What? Hey, Gulliver, get the fuck out of
Lilliput. So today, I am walking to the subway and Major Retard is parked on the sidewalk and as I’m approaching this thing that is so dumb, I notice something is hanging from the tail-hitch. Something clearly non-functional. Decorative. It [...]

Since this diary couldn’t get any more BORING this week, it’s time for everyone’s favorite feature: DREAMERZ.
I was working in an office. The point of the office was selling vinyl copies of Girl Talk’s Night Ripper–which in the dream was a five-volume epic–to administrative offices at local universities. I guess I got bored working on [...]

This morning I saw a pick up truck parked on the street, the color of which can only be described as LILAC. This is my favorite truck because it says “I can haul, but I also have an appreciation for potpourri.”
Who buys this truck? It’s not manly, and it’s not butch dykey (which is [...]

Everyone is like OH MY GOD, Haley Joel Osment was arrested for drunk driving and marijuana possession, and faces up to six months in jail!
Everyone is like “Cole Sear needs to get some Commonth Sense,” and “I didn’t know robot pinnochios could drink.”
Everyone is like “I’m not as Haley Joel Osment as you drunk I [...]

I was looking at this Ford Mustang 2.0 in the parking lot this morning and at first I thought that it looked like kind of a cool car, and then I thought fuck that. Fuck this car. Because you know the guy who owns it is an asshole, a, and b, it’s just another shiny [...]

Clown Coffee pointed out this bumper sticker to me in the work parking lot yesterday:

He and I already discussed how gross it is, and how insanely unprofessional, and we also heartily dissected the moral dishonesty of it and the basic low rent gutter anti-humor.
But what I want to know is if you think that is [...]

If you’ve had anything like the morning I’ve had, then you probably saw this shit on your way to work:

Oh my God, I’m so sorry, did I wake you up from your nap to work?
If you cannot be bothered to sit upright like a human being and ride a bicycle then I cannot be [...]

As you may have heard, yesterday, American forces near Baquba killed Abu Masab al-Zarqawi in an airstrike. al-Zarqawi, of course, is the head of al-Qaeda in Iraq, and one of the most visible, and violent, leaders of the insurgencies.
Now that terrorism is over, I think we should focus on the threat at home: people who [...]

(This is an ad for Ford. The tag line is “Bold Moves”)
I’ve never worked in an advertising agency, and I did not take any communications classes in college, so when it comes to consumer psychology, I’m basically a neophite. That being said, the one concept I sort of have a grasp on is the idea [...]