I had a dream last night that Robin Williams was starring in Spider-Man 4. As Spider-Man. The plot of Spider-Man 4 was that somehow a bunch of people get hold of Spider-Mans clothes and turn into Spider-Man. Nick Nolte was also Spider-Man.
So, I looked up Spider-Man 4 to see if the prophecy was true, [...]

I had a horrible dream last night in which I was responsible for the death of a good friend (I’m not saying which one!) It was all very Friday Night Lights Season 2 NO SPOILERS. It really was an upsetting dream and I felt horrible both over the death of my friend, and the fact [...]

Two nights ago I dreamt that I played football for the Dillon Panthers, and last night I dreamt that I was in The Wire.
I’m just saying that my dreams win Emmys.

It has been long assumed that nothing would ever replace Noodle Mile as the best dream idea. But that was 2007. What would you say to a dream in which I pitched a movie about an international assassin who falls asleep on a park bench, only to awake after night has fallen and the park [...]

I have a recurring nightmare in which I am trying to get to the airport and/or helicopter and I can’t. Either I’m stuck in traffic, or some mom #3116 is nagging me, or I don’t even know what. I can’t do it. It’s always five minutes before the flight and I’m an hour away and [...]

From the mind that brought you Noodle Mile:
This morning I had a snooze dream that I think involved me being in an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (I am the Lawnmower Man of sitcoms) but none of that is important. What’s important is that the dream featured ice cream donuts, which are donuts [...]

[mood: gay]
[music: high school]
I had an apology dream last night, you guys. An “apology dream,” of course, is when a dream-friend does dream-something so dream-egregious that when you wake up you feel like demanding an apology from the real person. I won’t go into all the details, but basically Lady made out with some other [...]

In my dream last night, I watched Eugene Mirman perform stand-up comedy, and he totally bombed. At first I was like, “Man, Eugene’s new material is really unfunny. And why is it so different from his old stuff?” And then I was like, “Oh right, because I wrote it.”

Since this diary couldn’t get any more BORING this week, it’s time for everyone’s favorite feature: DREAMERZ.
I was working in an office. The point of the office was selling vinyl copies of Girl Talk’s Night Ripper–which in the dream was a five-volume epic–to administrative offices at local universities. I guess I got bored working on [...]

I haven’t done one of these in forever because they suck. So what.
Friday:
I decided this year that I wanted to go to as many Christmas parties as possible, and Friday’s Google Corporate Christmas Party was the first. Dooth, who was the person taking me, sent me a chat earlier in the day that there were [...]