CARTHAGE, Mo. - Ultimate fighting was once the sole domain of burly men who beat each other bloody in anything-goes brawls on pay-per-view TV.
But the sport often derided as “human cockfighting” is branching out.
The bare-knuckle fights are now attracting competitors as young as 6 whose parents treat the sport as casually as wrestling, Little League [...]

On the plane to France, the seatbacks have the embedded TV screens, which offer a selection of movies and “games.” The games are sub-first-generation Game Boy, with the sole enhancement that they are in color rather than sick-green and black. But they do have my favorite game “Qui Veut Etre Un Millionaire?” I have already [...]

Mom #3116: Who broke the porcelain on this toilet?
Worker #3116: Not me.
Pépé #3116: Not me.
Mémé #3116: What happened?
Mom #3116: I don’t know, someone must have brought something in here and dropped it because there’s a dent in the floor and there’s a chip in the base of the toilet.
Worker #3116: It wasn’t me.
Pépé #3116: The [...]

Are your grandparents in town?
Yes.
Did you go to their hotel?
Yes.
When you entered the hotel were you behind two gentlemen?
Yes.
Did you notice that one of the two gentleman was dressed the way a “cool” person would be dressed by a professional stylist on the now-defunct MTV show Dead at 21?
Yes.
Were his tips frosted?
Yes.
Did he have on [...]

M A S H
Girls Honeymoon Affair
Avril Lavigne Boston Miranda July
[...]

Inside joke!
Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside [...]

A few weeks ago on the phone, Mom #3116 said “If you want to say hello to me in your blog (her word), you can.” Then last night I got a card in the mail telling me how great I was SIGNED MOM 3116. I can’t tell if this is the best or worst development [...]

One Christmas, when the marriage between stepmom #3116 and [redacted] père #3116 was falling apart, she decided to get into art. Later she would decide to get into fundamental Christianity and I would see her get baptised and we would get in a fight about a Wesley Snipes movie and that would be that. But [...]

Apparently mom and Herb #3116 have found my online diary. So you know what that means: no more making fun of fat, old people! ZING!
I don’t think that my layover in Chicago this weekend on the way to [redacted] to surprise Mémé #3116 counts as actually going to Chicago (and thereby breaking my moratorium on [...]

This may surprise some of you, but I can’t fucking wait to have kids! Little robots that you can make do whatever you want, and if you withhold your love they only work harder! So awesome! But here’s a question: when I finally have a son (or drowned daughter, I suppose) of my own, do [...]