I got a Facebook friend request the other day, but it seemed a little too good to be true.

I am hot that why she add me. Sure. That why all the girls are add me. But I don’t know, it just seemed like we wouldn’t really have anything in common. SEEMED. PAST TENSE. Because one [...]

Womp womp. Oh well. It seemed like a dream team, Mariah Carey and Jack McBrayer could have been our generation’s Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, or at least this year’s Heat-caliber casting powerhouse. Instead it is obvious that someone just said “We need a nerd, any nerd,” not realizing that they had gotten the caviar [...]

it
huge
big
back
under
rear
down
sticky
hard
rough
rod
open
in
out
get
can’t
touch
feel
behind
knob
tab
some
reach
gag
bottom
small
tube
pipe
top
wide
This list will be updated as needed.

I don’t know about you (thankfully!), but when I watch the BBC documentary Planet Earth (Planet Earth, son!), I want to see a lot of this:

Aw look at it. I SAID LOOK AT IT. That’s right. Good job, Earth. You are really doing it with the wonders and myriad mysteries and stuff.
When I watch [...]

Meanwhile: vagiamond dentata joke.

Angelina Jolie’s face stars in Beowulf:

(superfacial.com)
Ha log10. God, i wish that was her real body. Not for sexual reasons, I’m not turned on by CalTech School for the Digital Arts cable access commercials of reaching your potential, but for comedy reasons. Then again, for comedy reasons I wish that was Bruce Villanch’s body.

And now, some [...]

If you missed Ritalin last night, and I know you missed Ritalin last night, then you missed a heartfelt story about my recent break up. I really appreciated the outpouring of support from the audience, who really seemed to understand where I was coming from. It just gave me hope that love might still exist, [...]

This is great, and don’t worry about how/why I found it. Don’t even worry about that part. Nullus on my whole existence, obviously:
DEAR ABBY: After an unhappy, sexless 12-year marriage, I divorced my husband. Six months later I met a handsome, divorced dermatologist on the Internet. We were immediately attracted to each other and, six [...]

[mood: gay]
[music: high school]
I had an apology dream last night, you guys. An “apology dream,” of course, is when a dream-friend does dream-something so dream-egregious that when you wake up you feel like demanding an apology from the real person. I won’t go into all the details, but basically Lady made out with some other [...]

(New York Times)