A couple weeks ago I was at a bar and this drunk couple came up to me really excited. Well the guy was really excited and the girl was really embarrassed of the guy. He asked me if people always tell me that I look just like “Eric Bana,” to which I had to say [...]

Um, excuse me:

Yeah, I’m funnier than Jay Mohr. You know who else is funnier than Jay Mohr? Everyone. Everyone is funnier. That lady who takes pictures of Sudan babies to pay for her loft is funnier than Jay Mohr. And that’s just Jay Mohr. Let’s not even get into Jay Mohr on the subject of [...]

Kevin DuBrow, lead singer of Quiet Riot, is dead at 52.
“I can’t even find the words to say,” Quiet Riot bandmate Frankie Banali said on his Web site. “Please respect my privacy as I mourn the passing and honor the memory of my dearest friend, Kevin DuBrow.”
(Yahoo!)
You just mean “keep doing what you’re doing, everybody,” [...]

Am I the only person who even cares about Ashley anymore? WHERE ARE YOU NOW THAT IT’S RAINING, FAIRWEATHER FRIENDZ?

It’s not all your fault, obs. I also blame MTV. Thanks MTV, did you build him up just to tear him down? I guess you don’t care that we’re talking about a SENSITIVE HUMAN GENIUS. The [...]

I was trying to figure out how to categorize Perez Hilton’s new look:

(mtv.com)
Then I was all, oh, right, Cartoon Rapist.
Clarification: a Cartoon Rapist is someone who rapes cartoons, not an animated depiction of a rapist, which would look more like a real rapist but with less color density.

By now everyone already knows about the “fight” (hit me once, shame on you, hit me twice, security is here bye) between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee at the MTV Video Music Awards, but Tommy Lee’s resultant online diary entry is pretty excellent:
Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with [...]

(People via huffingtonpost.com)
Skip the part where the child in question is named Angel Iris MURPHY BROWN (apparently Angel Iris Mr. Belvedere was just silly) and get to the part where if this story doesn’t convince you that being a celebrity is the worst thing ever, I don’t know what will. First of all, you can’t [...]

Am I missing something, or who the fuck cares about Heather Mills?

I keep seeing all these stories about her upcoming, and now broadcast, appearance on Dancing with the Stars and it’s like “Will her prosthetic leg fly off during the performance? And more importantly, will anyone tell me what the fuck?” Sometimes you forget just [...]

Inside joke!
Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside joke! Inside [...]

One Christmas, when the marriage between stepmom #3116 and [redacted] père #3116 was falling apart, she decided to get into art. Later she would decide to get into fundamental Christianity and I would see her get baptised and we would get in a fight about a Wesley Snipes movie and that would be that. But [...]