For whatever reason, I was googling around googletown, and I looked up this website. Lame. Did you know that next year they’re pre-empting the Academy Awards for a program called the Lamies and I’m winning Lifetime Achievement? Anyway, whatever, you don’t judge me, I judge you. More importantly, I judge google’s pigeonholing categorization of this [...]

I got a Facebook friend request the other day, but it seemed a little too good to be true.

I am hot that why she add me. Sure. That why all the girls are add me. But I don’t know, it just seemed like we wouldn’t really have anything in common. SEEMED. PAST TENSE. Because one [...]

Did you guys watch UFC fight night last night? SPOILER ALERT: people get their shit messed! I have only watched half of them so far (three hours guys, some of us are busy ACTUALLY FIGHTING), but what I have seen has been pretty good.
Anyway, the first bout of the evening between James Irvin and Houston [...]

it
huge
big
back
under
rear
down
sticky
hard
rough
rod
open
in
out
get
can’t
touch
feel
behind
knob
tab
some
reach
gag
bottom
small
tube
pipe
top
wide
This list will be updated as needed.

On the plane to France, the seatbacks have the embedded TV screens, which offer a selection of movies and “games.” The games are sub-first-generation Game Boy, with the sole enhancement that they are in color rather than sick-green and black. But they do have my favorite game “Qui Veut Etre Un Millionaire?” I have already [...]

Man, how about this week, you guys? What a snooze!

Fart.
Last night I was walking home from the grocery store with my groceries (I’m really into groceries), and heard a bunch of explosions. Is this it? I wondered. Is Al-Qaeda’s Cloverfield attack really happening? SPOILER ALERT: There wasn’t an attack on New York last night. It [...]

Friday evening, I suffered one of the most horrible humiliations of my life when in a fit of desperation driven by raw need, I tried to buy a Nintendo Wii at a Game Stop in downtown Brooklyn. Look, we all go through things in life, many doorways of experience, and some of those doorways are [...]

You guys, we need to talk about this.

Now, I recognize that Friday Night Lights is the only show on television scientifically proven to break every heart in the country, but did you also know that Taylor Kitsch has the power to turn everyone who looks upon him into a gay? Jesus. The man cannot act [...]

Ritalin Readings: Thursday, November 1st (NEW VENUE)
Ritalin Readings is back, and will now occur every month at The Slipper Room (nullus). Next week’s show:
Thursday, November 1st
8pm, $5
Hosted by Lindsay Robertson and myself, produced by Jon Friedman
* Michelle Collins (Best Week Ever)
* Sloane Crosley (Author of the upcoming [...]

This is great, and don’t worry about how/why I found it. Don’t even worry about that part. Nullus on my whole existence, obviously:
DEAR ABBY: After an unhappy, sexless 12-year marriage, I divorced my husband. Six months later I met a handsome, divorced dermatologist on the Internet. We were immediately attracted to each other and, six [...]